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Key points
- Developmental affirmations are based on Erickson's stages and Havighurst's developmental tasks.
- Developmental affirmations were field tested by experts in each developmental stage.
- If you didn't get an affirmation you needed you can claim it now through a process called recycling.
The first time I went to Jean Illsley Clarke's home to work on a project I sat down with her and several others at her dining room table. Jean is the author of the classic parenting books Self-Esteem: A Family Affair and Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children. In the middle of the table was a large cut-glass clear bowl filled with brightly colored plastic ovals with different affirmations printed on them. Jean passed the bowl around the table and asked each of us to choose an affirmation that we needed to hear today. Then she told us to say our affirmation out loud in unison. Next, she asked us to exchange the affirmation we chose with the person next to us. We then read our partner's affirmation back to them. This was my introduction to developmental affirmations.
Self-Affirmations
We now are seeing the use of self-affirmations in some of the most unusual places for example in Ted Lasso's locker room above the door, "Believe!" According to Little, Sillence, and Joinson, "Self-affirmations are any activity that demonstrates or reinforces one’s sense of adequacy—basically, anything that supports the global sense of integrity in the self-system." There is documentation that self-affirmations, short positive statements said to oneself on a regular basis, can improve one's health and well-being. (Please see the citations on this post.) But are self-affirmations and developmental affirmations the same?
The Creation of Developmental Affirmations
If you google the word affirmations you will get: "40 Positive Affirmations to Add to Your Daily Rotation." "99 Positive Morning Affirmations You Can Use Daily." "50 Self-Affirmations to Help You Stay Motivated Every Day," and more. If you visit YouTube you will find a bevy of videos pitching affirmations that claim they will increase your gratitude, self-love, confidence as well as your personal wealth. But, are developmental affirmations different from all these everyday garden-variety affirmations? The answer to this question is yes.
Developmental affirmations are different in the following three ways.
- They are based on Erik Erikson's stages of development. Erik Erikson's eight stages provide the theoretical framework that undergirds these developmental affirmations. Erikson theorized that every person goes through a series of eight developmental stages from birth to death. He proposed that at each stage individuals struggle to overcome a specific psychological conflict. Jean Illsley Clarke, author and creator of the developmental affirmations, relabeled Erikson's stages using terms more understandable and accessible.
- Influenced by Robert Havighurst's developmental tasks. Havighurst believed that every individual goes through a series of stages from infancy to old age. Each stage has a corresponding set of developmental tasks associated with it. If the individual masters the developmental tasks associated with each stage during that stage, this will lead to happiness and acceptance. Failing to complete the tasks leads to unhappiness and feeling out of place in society.
- Field-tested with hundreds of individuals. Each set of developmental affirmations was field-tested by experts in that developmental stage. These experts included parents, teachers, nurses, social workers, clergy, coaches, and therapists.
Jean Illsley Clarke states, "The values that shape the developmental affirmations rest on the theory that people are more empowered when they are helped to think clearly for themselves, than if they are told what to think by someone else. The goal of the developmental affirmations is to present simple, clear ways to offer ideas, concepts, and permissions in a way that is respectful and does not cause cognitive dissonance, confusion, or distress."
Examples of Developmental Affirmations
Jean Illsley Clarke provides a complete list of affirmations for each developmental stage. (See all 68 in Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children, pp. 211-242.). I will provide only two developmental affirmations for each stage as an example.
- Becoming, Prenatal (Conception to birth/getting ready)
- I celebrate that you are alive.
- I love you just as you are.
- Being (0 - 6 months)
- I am glad you are alive.
- You can grow at your own pace.
- Doing (6 - 18 months)
- You can explore and experiment and I will support and protect you.
- I like to watch you initiate and grow and learn.
- Thinking (18 months - 3 years)
- I am glad you are starting to think for yourself.
- You can know what you need and ask for help.
- Identity and Power (3 - 6 years)
- I love who you are.
- You can find out the results of your behavior.
- Structure (6 - 12 years)
- You can think before you say yes or no and learn from your mistakes.
- You can learn the rules that help you live with others.
- Identity, Sexuality, and Separation (adolescence)
- You can learn the difference between sex and nurturing and be responsible for your needs, feelings, and behaviors.
- I look forward to knowing you as an adult.
- Interdependence (adulthood)
- You can trust your inner wisdom.
- You can finish each part of your journey and look forward to the next.
- Integration (End-of-Life)
- You can grow your whole life through it.
- You can integrate all of your life experiences and die when you are ready.
Recycling
What if the adults in your life didn't give you the messages you needed when you needed them? Perhaps these adults were struggling with addiction, postpartum depression, midlife crises, or some other issue and were unable to give you these healthy messages. Are you stuck? No. Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson proposed the theory of recycling.
You can know what you need. You can ask for support and help when you need it. You can grow and learn throughout your entire life. If you didn't get an affirmation you needed you can claim it now. It will help you become a fully functioning individual. Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson believe that you can grow up again. "Growing up again and again is getting what we missed earlier so we don't have to go on living without what we need now." (p.214).
How Can Developmental Affirmations Be Used?
There are literally hundreds of ways that developmental affirmations can be used. I will only list a few as examples.
1. In parent education groups.
2. In therapy groups.
3. For personal growth.
4. In geriatric support groups.
5. In preschool classes.
Developmental affirmations help us to become the fully functioning individuals that we all strive to become.
Practice Aloha. Do all things with love, grace, and gratitude.
© 2023 David J. Bredehoft
References
Clarke, J. I. (1978). Self-esteem: A family affair. San Fransisco, CA: Harper and Row Publishers.
Clarke, J. I., & Dawson, C. (1998). Growing up again: Parenting ourselves, parenting our children (2nd ed). Center City, MN. Hazelden Press.
Clarke, J. I. (2022). Words that help: Affirmations for any age, every stage. University of Minnesota Press.
Erikson, E. H. (1950). Childhood and society. New York: W.W. Norton & Company.
Erikson, E. H. (1994). Identity and the life cycle. New York: W.W. Norton & Company.
Havighurst, R. J. (1948). Developmental tasks and education. The University of Chicago Press.
Schuz, B., et al. (2017). Self-affirmation Interventions to change health behaviors. In Little, L., Sillence, E., & Joinson, A. (Eds.), Behavior change research and theory: Technological perspectives (pp. 87-114). New York, NY: Academic Press.
