Music as Therapy

Dick Clark said, “Music is the soundtrack to our lives.” I don’t disagree with that. Think about how music has highlighted poignant interludes in your life, such as when you danced at prom, cheered a team on to a big win, or cooed a lullaby to a baby. Music helps you brave traffic and it soothes you to sleep. And music can keep you occupied as you wait for the cable company to answer the phone...whether you like it or not.

Often, music has had one other important task: It's there when we are sad. Have you ever been dumped and then played on repeat the Bonnie Rait song, “I Can’t Make You Love Me"? Or perhaps lost a loved one and cried to “Tears In Heaven” by Eric Clapton until you had no more tears? The point is, when we are sad we seek out music that seems to understand exactly how we feel. Sometimes the music can make us feel better, sometimes it can make us feel worse. Regardless, we have it to help us recognize that life can be full of heartbreak, loss, and loneliness.

So what happens when you realize that Celine Dion knows a thing or two and your heart will indeed go on? When you have decided you are sick of letting the same people break your heart, tired of being angry your friends ditched you, or you just want to feel less anxious about what you can’t control? You need some new tunes.

Utilizing the theory of cognitive-behavioral therapy, or CBT, I work to teach my clients that what we say to ourselves has a direct correlation to how we feel, and thus affects how we act. In this sense, listening to Whitney Houston belt out “Annnnnd I……………….Will always love yooooooou” might be telling you there is no one else out there to love. You might then feel hopeless, depressed, and truly lost. Are you then going to run to the next computer to perk up your online dating profile? Probably not. Albert Ellis, one of the minds behind CBT, once said, “Accept that along with many good things, bad things exist, change them if you can, and accept what you can’t change. Remember it’s your thoughts that create the way you feel. It’s practically never hopeless. Acceptance is the key.” So let’s modify the playlist, change what the song is telling you, and thus adjust your feelings and ultimately your behavior.

I am going to present to you three songs I believe have the type of messages you can utilize to help cope with what life brings:

“Things Happen” (Dawes)

In this song, the singer says very plainly, “Things happen, that’s all they ever do.” To me, this line is significant in that it brings life’s ups and downs into a simple statement of fact. By saying “things happen,” you are accepting the present moment as it is. You are allowing the chain of events that brought you here to exist as they are, and, in doing so, removing residual blame, shame, guilt, and/or anger. By accepting the “things” that occur in your life, you are able to move forward, instead of being stuck in wanting to change something you cannot.

Another line in the song goes, “You can just ignore it, put it out of mind / But ain’t it funny how the past won’t ever let something lie?” The song is reminding us that we can’t stop our thoughts from happening. By trying to ignore them, we are refusing to believe in our own truths and feelings. Instead identify your thought as helpful or hurtful, accept that “things happen,” and move forward with purpose.

“Nothin But Time” (Cat Power)

Cat Power’s Chan Marshall told reporters that she wrote this song for her friend’s bullied teenage daughter. In it are the words, “Your world is just beginning… It's up to you to be a superhero / It's up to you to be like nobody.” Reflective of the It Gets Better Project, this song is a reminder not just to the young but to all of us that what feels heavy and insurmountable now can change through time and personal growth. You’ve heard the phrase, “One day at a time," itself a wonderful coping statement. Cat Power is reminding you that those days are many and that as you go through each one, “You ain’t got nothing but time / And it ain’t got nothing on you.” The power in this song is that it forces you to take yourself out of the direct moment and gives you a foundation for personal evolution. It reminds you of the choice you have: staying in the hurt and pain or moving forward, one step at a time, one day at a time.

“Shake It Off” (Taylor Swift)

What do you tell yourself when people make fun of you, say you’re no good, or that you have no future? How about “ Baby I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake / Shake it off, shake it off.” This song is a powerful anthem for anyone who ever felt mistreated by those around them.

Swift sings of other people's opinions but never gives those opinions any weight. She doesn’t say to herself, “Maybe they are right” or “I must not be that great because of what they are saying about me.” Instead, she trusts herself to know who she is deep down and believes that to be true. “Haters gonna hate” indeed. You can’t change how others act or what they think. You can try by being a good person, but ultimately it is out of your control.

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Sir Anthony Hopkins once said, “My philosophy is: It's none of my business what people say of me and think of me.” Stop letting others challenge who you believe in yourself to be true. Swift sings, “It’s like I got this music / In my mind, saying it’s gonna be alright.” That music she sings of is her changing those automatic negative thought patterns and in doing so, changing her feelings of self-worth.

There are countless other songs that are out there to pick you up, help you think clearly, and show you there is a better way to treat yourself. Christina Aguilera believes “You’re Beautiful,” Katrina & the Waves encourage you to keep “Walking on Sunshine,” and Journey reminds you, “Don’t Stop Believing." Use the power of music to change what you say to yourself. Yes there is heartbreak, yes there are mean people, and of course, times can be rough. But to help what you say to yourself, “Let the Music Do the Talking” (Aerosmith).