Caregiving 101

Do you ever wonder to yourself, “how am I ever going to get through this?” When my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I certainly wondered that especially because my mother had also suffered through this illness. My passion about the subject led to writing my book and now this blog.

Here’s the key question: how can we support and inspire each other when faced the heartbreaks of dementia? Let me share with you three “wisdom treasures” -- how I named the strategies that helped me handle the Himalayan challenges of Alzheimer’s.

Cultivate acceptance. We know that some people may be open about their diagnosis while others never mention it. We need to respect whatever way the patient deals with it. Yet for us as caregivers, it’s important to acknowledge that when we resist the reality of a situation, we suffer and make things harder. That’s where cultivating acceptance comes in. Sometimes in difficult situations, I’d breathe in slowly and calmly, and then repeat the word “acceptance” silently to myself. Try it. It helps.

Whatever the stage of the illness, do everything you can to relate to the person as they are, not to the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. While we need to be realistic, in our medically oriented society, the weight of a diagnosis can distort the reality of the situation. It’s too easy for family and friends to see the patient more in terms of their symptoms than for who they still are. You may end up relating more to your preconceived ideas than to the reality in front of you. That’s like seeing the person through a clouded lens instead of with openness and clarity.

Remember: no matter how diminished the patient’s mind may be, they are always there in some way – a person still longing to be treated with compassion, acceptance, and love even if there are no words to express it.

Look for what’s positive in your situation. Sometimes it’s the smallest things, like the tenderness of holding hands, laughter over some unexpected event, sunlight pouring into the room, or the smiles of a friend or grandchild. My husband Hob and I didn’t want the reality of deepening dementia to overpower us, so we discussed how to live “consciously and lovingly” with whatever was to come. Because he was open about his illness, we talked about it occasionally. I even asked him for what we called his “reports from the interior” about what he was experiencing. As for “lovingly,” I knew that everyone’s love – family, friends, and ours –would get us through. See what words of encouragement might comfort or inspire you. In these postings, I’ll continue to share what helped and inspired us the most.