Coping With Migraine and the Grief of Losing a Beloved Pet

Source: Courtesy of Joy Goodrich

I held her head in my hands, while my husband placed his hand on her chest, and our veterinarian and close friend injected the first medication to dramatically sedate her. Within seconds, her head fell heavily into my hands, and we knew, before the second injection was even administered, that she was really “gone” from us. She had no response, and her eyes were off and distant. Now, it took only seconds more for the second injection to stop her heart.

As I sobbed over her and kept trying to hold on to the touch and smell of her fur, the feel of kissing her, in all my favorite places, we knew, within minutes, we had to leave. We could do nothing more. We had kept her from any potential further suffering and took that pain upon ourselves. As I looked back at the beautiful, soulful companion we'd loved for 10 short years, lying on that blanket, I had to somehow walk out that door—this time without her.

Gretta had been the first certified therapy dog for seven and a half years at Monroe Community College in Rochester, NY, where I teach English and was, therefore, with me during my workdays as well as a companion at home.

The physical and emotional impacts of sobbing all the way home were enough to trigger a migraine attack—and they did—a full-blown one. Wasn’t the pain of grief cruel enough, I thought?

I threw all my medications and my Cefaly at this migraine when I got home, but I wasn’t really functioning. This time, though, I was fortunate. The migraine went away overnight—only to reappear the next morning—not surprising, given the nature and immediacy of my grief.

This cycle was to continue for more than two weeks, and, actually, I was grateful, as I hadn’t yet moved into an intractable migraine cycle; I did have hours of relief—at least from migraine.

It's now been six weeks, no time at all, but, miraculously, I’m now not crying constantly—only a few times a day. Sudden images, memories, triggers, or moments talking with another pet owner, as I walk my lonely remaining golden retriever, Ollie, can just seize me, leading to a sudden crying spell or worse, if I try to use all of my forces to internalize and/or hold off the oncoming wave of ache and pain. This response is even more likely to lead to a migraine attack.

We know, over time, the intensity of acute pain does lessen.

Scientists have previously discovered that there is a clear connection between feelings of grief and bodily changes, and it can manifest itself in many ways, migraine being a major one: We know that increased levels of cortisol can cause headaches. Cortisol, a hormone released by the adrenal glands, can, in excess, shrink parts of the brain such as the hippocampus, along with triggering migraines. The extra pressure on time, brain power, and resources that can follow from a bereavement may leave you with little time to yourself.

For many of us, losing a pet is losing a very close member of our family. For some of us, even, especially those of us without “children,” they are our children. Many need to hear and know this in order to try to empathize with the pain of such loss. For many others, the responses are always, “When do you plan to get another?” or “She had a long life.”

When will I get another? Am I replacing a nonworking iPhone? Is barely 10 years a long life? What grieving pet owners, particularly those who also suffer from migraine really need is plain—compassion. This process, as it would in grieving any loved one, takes time, and there is no clearly set timetable.

Connecting with others during difficult times may help some, while others will need time alone to process the incredible range of emotions. The journey may not be easy, but reaching out, asking for help when we need it, and taking care of ourselves both mentally and physically can all help us cope with loss.

Grief Essential Reads

A Day in the Life...After Your Child’s Life Ends

How Fans Can Cope With Loss

Some Ways to Help Ourselves Through Grief

The most important way you can help yourself while grieving is to take care of yourself. Many of the physical effects of grief arise from the failure to listen to our bodies and practice the healthy habits we otherwise might.

• Stay hydrated: Drink plenty of water throughout the day and avoid excessive alcohol consumption, since alcohol acts as a diuretic and can actually dehydrate your body.
• Exercise: If you regularly exercised before the death of your loved one, try to continue that routine as much as possible. If you've lost your dog whom you used to walk, after some time, ask a close friend to join you on that walk, and take the time you need to get through it. The experience will get easier as time goes on, and you will come to remember the wonderful times you walked your loved one there.
• Eat nutritious, nourishing foods: Grievers often find it difficult to have a meal even if they feel like eating. At times like this, consider eating several smaller meals during the day. Grieving leaves us either ravenous or unable to eat. Let someone in enough to help you eat something at each meal that will give you the nutrients you need to maintain some physical stability. You will need the energy in the following weeks to help you through. Know your family and friends are trying to help.
• Rest: While grief typically disrupts our normal sleep patterns, getting enough is important for all of us. We all know this to be true, particularly if we suffer from migraine, but in the early days and weeks, we find "turning off the memories, the 'what ifs,' the guilt, the 'he/she should be doing...'" very difficult. It just is.
• Make plans: Although, again, very difficult during the acute phases of grief, having things to do in the future can give you something to look forward to. Staying busy at the moment can help take your mind off of your discomfort and grief, albeit temporarily.

All of this makes it sound easy. In the early days and weeks, particularly, making plans to do anything or be anywhere seems impossible and irrelevant—I know.

Give yourself that time to sink in and be in the grief; it's not a bad thing. We need to face it head-on. However, as you start to feel even moments of beauty, joy, and pleasure, relish them, take them in, be grateful for them, and know that this is, indeed, a turn.

Please remember that each of us experiences grief differently. Try to avoid judging one’s grief of a pet.

Be good to yourself, know when to take on your pet's suffering, and trust those closest to you to know what you need and when you need it.