What’s It Like When Your Friend Is a Therapist?

Source: Photo by Ron Lach

Yes, we therapists have friends too; of course, never our clients or patients. But as a therapist, there are a lot of things that go with the territory. I’ve been a therapist for decades and have gotten used to meeting people and having them remark, “Are you going to analyze me?” And if they don’t say it, I’m pretty sure they think it. All friendships and relationships are complicated but as a therapist, there are some things intrinsic to our relationships with other people. Here are some of the basics—the good and the bad:

1. We’re great listeners. We’re trained to listen and listen well. That’s different from “hearing” what someone has to say. We know how to hone in on what’s important.
2. We keep things to ourselves—confidentiality is paramount to the work we do. As a licensed professional therapist, we’re bound by a code of ethics that ensures confidentiality in the work we do. That often carries over in friendships—it's never okay to talk about something we’ve been told in confidence by a friend.
3. We care. Empathy is usually a quality that goes with being a part of a “helping” profession.
4. Though we do diagnose people in our work, pathology is not what powers our friendships. We are known to accept people as they are but can’t help being aware of mental health issues. Yes, we know you’re nervous, but we’re friends in spite of your “stuff.” That's usually not what matters in a friendship.
5. We don’t judge. With friends, we have opinions but professionally, we’re trained to not judge. We are trained to have an objectivity that most people don’t have.
6. We are oftentimes tired at the end of the day—we’ve heard a lot during our sessions. We’re not so quick to want to hear more after our work. In fact, we need quiet, restorative time, not more of the same. At the end of the day, we can have short fuses for listening to “stuff” when it’s not our work. Friends calling us with their problems or a running account of the day may not be what we'd love to hear.
7. People have a sixth sense about our ability to listen and problem-solve. I’ve always found it amazing that in public places and situations, I’ve always been a magnet for people sharing their problems. It happens everywhere—strangers will tell me their life stories and problems on a bus, in an airport, just about anywhere. They just know you’re a therapist.

And finally, it’s really nice when someone who is not a client asks, "So, how are you doing?”