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Relationships
Are You Obsessed With Finding a Partner?
Drop the fear of being alone and create a life worth living.
Posted September 10, 2024 Reviewed by Margaret Foley
Key points
- You have the power to create the life you want to live.
- Turn your gaze inward and ask, “Who am I?”
- The only way to develop a life worth sharing is to first develop a life worth living.
Many people fear being “alone.” This fear can lead to an obsessive search to find a partner. If this sounds familiar, pause and breathe in and out. Now, turn your gaze inward and ask, “Who am I?”
Ask Yourself Questions
To figure out the answer to “Who am I?”, ask yourself questions:
- Who do I want to be in life?
- What do I want to do in terms of career?
- What hobbies do I enjoy?
- What subjects do I want to learn more about?
- Where do I want to travel?
- How would I like to grow as an adult?
As unsatisfying as it may seem to think about yourself rather than obsessing over someone else, you—yes, YOU—are who matters. In a worst-case-scenario thought experiment, imagine there’s no one for you: You will live without a life partner. Are you ready to give up and die? The challenge is to figure out how you can create a life worth living.
By answering the above questions, you learn who you are. Once you know who you are, go live your life! Believe it or not, you have the power to create the life you want to live. What you don’t have the power to do is decide whether or not someone ever loves you. The plus side to doing this work is that when you let go of the obsession and create a life worth living, you make your life and yourself way more attractive, both platonically and romantically.
Get Out There
Rather than obsessing over finding a partner or relying on dating apps (I hate dating apps), attend a social event of your choosing and meet some people in real life. Take yourself out to a nice lunch or dinner. Sign yourself up to take a class so you can learn to cook Persian cuisine. Whatever you do, the point is to get out and live the life you want to live. If you don’t do this, the consequences are dire because, let’s be honest, who wants to hang out with someone who hates their life?
The Payoff
Doing this inner work is a big win. You learn more about yourself; you meet new people; you develop a sense of personal authenticity, which starts with accepting ourselves and enjoying the heck out of our lives, absorbed in that new lifestyle of having fun and doing what we want.
Congratulations!
Even if you never find the partner of your dreams (highly unlikely), you end up with a life worth living. You are fully content with your life, which means your obsession and habit of obsessing can fade away. Bye-bye!
A Life Worth Living Is a Life Worth Sharing
The only way to develop a live worth sharing is to first develop a life worth living. Let me repeat that: The only way to develop a live worth sharing is to first develop a life worth living. If you do find a partner who discovers how amazing you and your life are, it’s a win-win for everyone. On the flip side, if you follow your obsession, ignore the inner work, and trick a partner into thinking you’re someone to get to know, then you both lose.
Say Goodbye to Obsession
When we say goodbye to obsession, stop relying on another person to “save us,” and create a life worth living, we become free of the neediness that destroys all good relationships. You owe it to yourself to be happy and live the life you want to live. Do this and trust the rest will follow.
