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Key points
- Some people endure significant discomfort in order to "save the relationship."
- There are many valid reasons to get a divorce.
- Despite what anyone says, everyone deserves a happy and fulfilling marriage and has the right to leave one that has failed.
Many people believe marriage is sacred. Because of this belief, they are willing to endure significant discomfort in order to "save the relationship," as if it were a baby in a burning building rather than a construct of what two humans (keyword: “humans”) have built together.
You Don’t Have to Suffer
For those among us who have really, really tried to save our marriage and refuse to live in misery, divorce is a remedy—a medicine if you will. Sometimes the medicine is strong and can have unpleasant side effects: excommunication, lawyer fees, custody battles, lifestyle disruptions, and, for some, burning in hell for all eternity (oh, dear).
Why Would Anyone Get a Divorce?
Easy: The relationship is awful. But what makes it so awful? First, if there has been domestic violence, a black eye, broken nose, or even strangulation marks on the neck pretty much means that the whole "sacredness” of holy matrimony is no longer a thing for the two of you.
But What About God?
To believe that a loving God wants you get physically abused by your spouse rather than get a divorce is what we therapists call "cognitive dissonance.” An example of cognitive dissonance is wanting to be healthy, but not exercising regularly or eating a nutritious diet. The same goes for marriage: You may want the happy marriage you deserve, but you don't want to get a divorce.
More Reasons to Get a Divorce
What else would qualify a marriage for divorce?
- Your formerly employed spouse decides, without consulting you, to quit their job and live off your labor. (I've had men and women in my office who've done this.)
- Your formerly sober spouse becomes addicted to drugs or alcohol to the point that they scream or laugh at you when you talk about their getting help—or your sweet spouse becomes a hopeless gambler and drags you and everyone else they know down the financial drain with them, while also making fun of you for urging them to get help.
- Your thrill seeker of a spouse can't seem to get into the whole straight life of obeying the law (so boring) and you keep hearing the infamous "cop knock" at your door at all hours.
- Your formerly hot and very satisfying sex life has evaporated and you can't even get a conversation going on the matter.
- Your formerly mainstream spouse has joined an alt-reality religious group and now justifies all the weirdness "in the name of the Lord."
Marriage, and any partnership of a marital nature, is not sacred, and despite what anyone or any religion says, you—yes, you—get to say, "Hey! I didn't sign up for this, and I have a right to a life with sex, sobriety, and economic security without financial armageddon, religious mania, or any other self-destructive drama.”
Rather than live in significant discomfort for the rest of your life, all you have to do is act, pay a little money to an attorney, and get on with your life. It's going to be a great, possibly sacred, life decision.
