Let Them Eat Cake!

I have been sorely tempted during this turbulent time in our country to recycle an article I wrote on The Huffington Post about how Trump doesn’t hesitate to throw his daughter Ivanka (who is Jewish) under the bus, due to his sole goal to win. That he doesn’t ever reign in his supporters at his rallies when they have chanted anti-Semitic rants against the press. But I will leave that to the pundits, and everyone else, and pivot to a positive aspect of our lives: cake! Most can agree, can we not? Is this a bi-partisan issue that we can all bond around? That we do, for the most part, all love birthday cake! So I am pivoting, please forgive me, with a soberness and sadness that I am feeling this morning after a week of terror and violence.

One thing we can all agree on is that we want to be the best parent possible for our kids. We take this responsibility very seriously, and it can be challenging to figure out the best approach when our kids (understandably) want and love to eat sugar. (As Halloween approaches, the cake can be replaced with candy, of course!)

I remember those days when my kids went from one birthday party to the next, eating what seemed like nothing but cake and ice cream. I also saw the parents who would try to get their kids to not eat the cake, even forbidding it due to the sugar overload for that particular day.

Each parent has their own rules about sugar and I respect everyone to find their own way.

What I will say, however, is that if you create too much restriction and are too "sugar phobic," you run the risk of creating disordered eating patterns down the road, as your children will be drawn to sneak treats from their friends' lunch boxes or seek them out when they are away from you, unable to move on from said treat or snack. (This is an outcome I used to observe at my house with kids on playdates, when they didn't have any access to treats at home. The other downside is that your child is at risk to miss out on a skill that we want them to build, which is an ability to check in with their body’s needs which may tell them after eating a lot of sugar, that they are craving salad or broccoli! A zero-tolerance policy may help you as a parent feel confident that you are saving them from a sugar high or a taste they will want more of, but it does little to help them learn to manage and balance those tastes when they do have control over their own eating and are gaining more independence.

Another skill we want our kids to build, which is vital for creating healthy habits, is that there are days and times to let go of the habit, and then return to it. The danger always when building a new habit is when you have a day that you have not adhered to it and go off the rails (if, on a diet, it goes like: “I blew it, so I might as well eat the whole box of cookies rather than these 5 that I've just ingested!"). We want our kids to have healthy eating habits, which means the ability to eat in a way that works well for their bodies, and that they’re able to return to those habits easily, without needing to fight us, hide sweets from us, or resort to too much restricting.

And just as important, I want to help take the stress out of your kids' access to candy and cake, so that we can bring some happiness and joy to these yummy and wonderful treats of life! Particularly on those days that your kids go from one birthday party to the next!

If, let's say, your child has a day like this and continues to demand sugar. It is important to return to a balance or usual days when there is not an overly restrictive and unrealistic standard that leads them to sneak or hide treats, but gives them some control, perhaps, over when they choose to eat said treat during the day. Eating one or two desserts or treats a day will not cause a child to gain weight or have healthy eating habits; in fact, it is the opposite and research shows that it can prevent compulsive overeating.

If they don't, however, and they are constantly demanding sugar, it is important to set some guidelines and rules that also give them some choice of when they want their treats, without imposing too much restriction. Providing a realistic guideline that doesn't set them up to try to fight you or hide from you the 'fun food' they have per day can help them to enjoy it without overvaluing it, and continue to notice their body's signals. Not allowing yourself to get 'highjacked' by temper tantrums or demands is equally important, and also helps to take the 'power' out of their desire to fight you on this and win attention.

Due to my work in the field of eating disorders and prevention of childhood and teen eating problems, along with my own journey coming from a dieting and dancing background and curing myself of the ups and downs of on/off eating, I took a lot of risks with my kids around sugar. When my 2-year-old asked for one lollipop after another, I gave her the whole bag, which she dropped, looked at the lollipops strewn about the floor, exclaimed, "Oh my, oh my!" then was off to her next activity.

This approach worked less well with my second child, who would love the taste of any food so much that he wouldn't take a breath between helpings, and needed to learn to wait longer for the signal to hit his brain that he was DONE. I introduced a waiting game, helping him to become THE BEST BODY DETECTIVE possible. I say to the Food or Sugar Demander kids something like this: "All bodies are different and you are the expert on your own, but you may need to wait a little longer for the voice to be louder from your tummy to your head of how exactly your tummy is feeling and what it needs/wants. " Do something with them, let them know they can check back in with their body and what their stomach is telling their brain in 20 minutes. Clear the table, play a game, let them do an activity they want.

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This "Waiting Game," as I like to call it, helps to flip the "Off Switch." Nine times out of 10, kids are off and running, and when they check in (or even forget to check in), it is because the taste bud excitement has died down, they get a more accurate reading, and they don't need any more food. If they do want more, let them eat more. Then again, do the Waiting Game. Get them to listen and keep checking in. Or you can say that they can always have more tomorrow.

So a few tips to try, but by all means, "Let Them Eat Cake!"

Happy Halloween!