Sperm Donation, Narcissism, and the Evolutionary Bonanza

I have been an evolutionist and a power researcher for a long time. Coming from the animal behavior world, I borrowed language from the ethologists. They equated social dominance with "winning aggressive contests." Aggressive contests for what? When you focus on the whats (resources, mates) first and then the hows secondarily, you see that many species have evolved multiple strategies for resource control. It is the resource control that gives these behaviors their evolutionary legs, not the aggression per se.

Importantly, these strategies can be very nice, very nasty, or even more effective, both.

Those who can master both strategies stand to win big. I think you know who they are: They lead our corporations, run for public office, etc. They think they are important and, curiously, we tend to agree. And therein lies the double win: Social esteem and the goodies of life! I have referred to these “bi-strategic” folks as Machiavellians.¹

As an evolutionist who understands the importance of reproductive success (an edge over others in number and quality of offspring), I have been following recent cases of renegade sperm donations. Numbers from various publicized perpetrators range from dozens to 600. Sometimes these donations are accompanied by claims of “desire to help.” But in recent cases, the proverbial red flags were either missed entirely or downplayed, even as the donor appeared “too good to be true”.

As an evolutionist, I do not tend to see these “donations” as acts of altruism. Most obviously, for the most part, semen is sold and not donated. But even more importantly, the person selling their seed is also being paid to have other people raise his genetic offspring. If one conceives, for example, 600 offspring, that, my friends, is an evolutionary bonanza not even achieved by Genghis Khan.

Let’s take 600 conceptions as an example. A nation’s fertility is measured by live births per woman. The average in the U.S. at present is 1.79. For the sake of simplicity, let’s assume the fertility for men is the same as it is for women (though men’s fertility tends to be higher than women’s).

Men’s fertility is harder to track because, unlike women (limited by gestation, birth, nursing and weaning), men are limited only by the number of conceptions they can achieve (by any means). Genghis Khan (1162 – 1227), for example, is famous for leaving his genes across Eurasia such that estimates now suggest that approximately 8% of men in Asia and ~0.5% of men worldwide are descended from him. We cannot know exactly how many conceptions he “achieved”, but this is remarkable “reproductive success” (a biological term stripped of morality). For this success, Khan traveled very long distances and risked starvation, disease, assassination, etc.

Welcome to the modern age where effort and risk are no longer required! We have built handy workarounds: Semi-anonymous sperm donation in a poorly regulated industry, easy-to-create websites, aliases, Venmo and PayPal, international travel at our fingertips, and so on. That is the recipe for someone swamping the human gene pool and making money doing it.

Let’s do the math of someone who has 600 conceptions:

Generation 1 = The Donor

Generation 2 = 600 genetic offspring

Now let’s multiply those kids by their relative fertility rates for the next generation:

600 x 1.79 (the fertility rate in the U.S.) = 1,074 grandchildren. Mind you, the donor doesn’t have to support a single one like the rest of us do.

Using the same math, the typical man who has 1.79 offspring will have 3.2 grandchildren on average [1.79 x 1,79 (the fertility rate) = 3.2].

In my estimation, given these numbers, a donor of 600 conceptions will have 1,922.46 great-grandchildren to your 5.74.² After 9 additional generations, he will have 63,237.62 descendants to your 188.66. That, my friends, is an evolutionary bonanza.

Perhaps you are suspecting that anyone with 600 conceptions has behaved unethically. Perhaps you think he has breached signed contracts with donation institutions, lied to donees, used aliases, etc. He quite possibly has claimed – and believes – that his sperm is “the best”. Any personality characteristic (e.g., grandiosity, arrogance, lack of empathy, manipulativeness) that gives rise to these types of behaviors has a genetic component. Thus, we have just tracked the evolutionary advantage to narcissism and its spread. A portion of the descendants will have similar traits.

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The superiority of the narcissistic man.

Source: Roman Samborskyi/Shutterstock

Narcissism as a personality trait (the degree to which we self-promote, compete, condescend to others) is something we all vary on from low to high. But when certain criteria are met (according to the DSM 5), narcissism becomes “pathological” (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) in its being marked by intense shame, self-doubt, and lack of empathy masked by grandiosity, a sense of entitlement, and fantasies of success, brilliance, or ideal love. It can be hard to spot in a crowd because it is often cloaked by charisma and charm, characteristics that are catnip to many women.

Speaking of catnip, there is nothing more intoxicating than the narcissistic love bomb, the tidal wave of flattery, generosity, affection, and future talk. More on this in a minute...

A 2015 meta analysis discussed gender differences in traits associated with narcissism. All of these sub-traits—through my evolutionary lenses—directly or indirectly contribute to reproductive success in men. They include low levels of commitment in romantic relationships, masculine stereotypic behavior (“alphas”), aggression in response to perceived threats (e.g., from a romantic rival or even you), exploitation and manipulation, dishonesty and cheating, leadership ability (!), vanity, attention seeking, braggadocio (grandiosity), and entitlement.

Moreover, narcissists may be more oriented towards sexual relationships than non-narcissists and use persuasion, manipulation (love bombing), or aggression to gain access to partners. There additionally may be sexual entitlement, beliefs that they are particularly skilled, and even that their sex partners benefit from sex with them. Yup. They’re doing us a favor, girls.

Clinical descriptions of romantic relationships with (male) narcissists support my point that narcissism in men is associated with reproductive success:

Let’s revisit the love bomb: This is a period when a target is put on a romantic pedestal. It is not clear whether the pursuer believes his own narrative that you are the best he has ever been with. Some authors claim it is a conscious manipulation, others observe that it is a manifestation of his fantasy of ideal love which he really wants. Either way, you are the "one he’s been waiting for," the “whole package,” and have “checked all the boxes.”

Does he have predilection for sex? According to Erich Fromm, the act of sex stimulates brain chemicals that alleviate feelings of the deep loneliness that narcissists feel. Can he not keep his hands off you (he can't help it he "loves you so much")? Does he watch a lot of porn? Is he motivated to seek multiple partners and cheat on you? Does he see his own repeated sperm donation as an “addiction”?

When the mask starts slipping, and the pretense exhausts the charming suitor, the target might sense some contempt. This is the “devaluation phase” and is considered to be part of the strategy to keep the target on the line. You may experience “negging”. Have you been temporarily ghosted or gotten the silent treatment (i.e., micro-abandonments)? Will you demonstrate your subordinance and loyalty by anxiously attempting to “repair” the relationship? When the sperm donor you are attached to ghosts you, do you feel like you are walking on eggshells and are anxious to repair the relationship?

Giving honest feedback to someone high on narcissism will probably be met with denial, projections, and a “smear campaign”. The narcissist will claim – despite objective evidence to the contrary – that they have done nothing wrong. In fact, they may accuse the accuser of doing exactly what he is being accused … and tell others about it.

In relationships, these projections are experienced as gaslighting and can lead targets to question objective reality as they are now told they are the crazy one engaging in negative behaviors. The target may be even accused of making the narcissist feel "unsafe." These accusations can precede abandonment, immediately followed by him engaging in hot pursuit for a replacement partner. Like I said, bonanza.

Sadly, grandiose narcissists may ultimately become vindictive and engage in smear campaigns when they realize they have lost access to what you, the target, were giving them (adoration, love, sex, money). Don't be surprised if they start dipping into your social circle to tell anyone who will listen how abusive you were.

Getting back to evolution, by this time the target may have already committed to the narcissist, married him, and conceived his offspring. The child may even be born after the narcissist has moved on to his next romantic mark. And just because you are past reproductive age, ladies, you are not out of the woods. Narcissists do not change very much as they age. These behavior patterns and personality characteristics are notoriously impervious to clinical change. And why wouldn’t they be? They work, don’t they?

There is a paradox surrounding many human characteristics that we call “psychopathology”. I have long made the case that aggression and “antisociality” are part of adaptive social functioning in humans. Sadly, there will always be charismatic narcissists in the world because there will always be a line of women outside their doors.