To Elder Women Seeking Men on Dating Sites, Beware

Sorry to break it to you, but that guy you met online, the one you fell in love with even though you haven't met him in person—that guy who wants to take care of you, and who recognizes that you are special, youthful, fit, stunning, movie star gorgeous. The extremely wealthy one, set on indulging you, and who, having invested well, can now help you get rich too? That person—or the person behind that bot, possibly generated by AI—is intent on cheating you out of your hard-earned savings. Say no and block them. Get support from your friends, cry on their shoulders, or get a therapist to help you. You are not alone, and you can recover from your broken heart more easily than from losing your life savings.

According to the FBI, complaints filed by people over 60 for elder fraud have increased by 14 percent in 2023, when compared to 2022. Elders are being cheated at an astronomical rate. Women are especially at risk. This stuff goes well beyond the classic guy who is looking for a nurse and the guy who is looking for a purse. These are actual thieves. That guy you “met” on a dating app—the wealthy, well-educated one, who owns multiple homes and yachts and who instantly fell for you and makes you feel like a giddy teenager? Sorry, but he’s manipulating you. The one who claims he lives in a wealthy community with other multi-millionaires. His photos are taken next to a mansion, a Rolls Royce, and at an opera opening. He has dated movie stars. He says he wants to marry you even though he’s never even met you in person. Yeah, that one. Sorry again, but none of that is true. He doesn’t live there. He doesn’t own the Rolls. He borrowed the tux because he never needed to wear one. He got someone to take—or photoshop—those misleading photos just for his profile.

He may not even be a real person, but a bot, whose photos are created and maintained by scammers. Wealthy men do not use dating sites. They hire someone who will introduce them to wealthy potential partners. Give yourself 10 minutes to be grateful for the reminder of how much fun it is to be admired and adored and swept off your feet. Now block the scammer and start looking for a normal partner, whose company you enjoy. You can fall in love with a guy whose claims are real and modest.

Your story might be slightly different from the above, with different details. He might claim to be religious or that his values were acquired through his previous role as a pastor or in law enforcement. He has business abroad and wants to take you on his next trip to Paris. Whatever you do, do not give or send money or buy anything, or invest money according to his advice. Even if he is temporarily short of cash, but says he has millions in assets, do not part with even a penny of your hard-earned savings. Even when his car (or plane) breaks down on the way to meet you, and his wallet is stolen, and he says he needs your credit card to pay for repairs. Say No. Do not give him your password or PIN. If he says that even though he is in love with you, he cannot be your partner if you do not invest with him, end the conversation immediately and block him. Report him, in solidarity with others whom he might try to scam.

Here are a few examples of scammy messages from someone you have never met:
“I’m finally ending my search, you are that special someone.”
“Where have you been all my life?”
“Your profile tells me that you are just the person I am looking for.”
“You are everything I have dreamed of.”
And the most common and useless of all, “You have a great smile.”

Notice that none of these are specific to you. They could be sent to anyone, and have probably been sent to scores, hundreds, or even thousands of potential victims. If you get one of these generic messages, delete it instantly and block the sender. If you cannot stop yourself from responding, write back and tell the sender that you only reply to messages that are specific to you, and that show the person took the time to read your profile.

Keep your dignity. And keep your life savings. Wait patiently for the love you deserve and do not fall for someone who says he has fallen in love with you when he doesn’t even know who you are—he is going to turn out to be a greedy fraudster.

A woman recently reported that about 25-30 percent of the men who reach out to her on dating apps ultimately turn out to be fraudsters. The dating apps later tell her in a message: Oops, hope you didn't get stung; that guy is a fraudster.

If the dating site tells you the guy is a fraudster, and he tells you they are wrong, contact the dating site and ask them how they make those decisions.

Best wishes in finding love, and take your time. There is someone out there for you.