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Key points
- One way to overcome insecurities is to accept positive feedback in your life.
- Accepting compliments and positive feedback can improve your mood, motivation, and confidence.
- Simply saying “thank you” after a compliment is a powerful act of self-care and respect.
People who struggle with low self-esteem or insecurities tend to be hard on themselves. Being self-critical can show up through negative judgments and speaking badly about oneself. It also shows up through avoiding positive self-talk and discounting positive feedback. I’ve noticed that with some of my clients, it is more difficult to accept compliments and positive feedback than to stop the habit of negative self-talk.
Do you also struggle to take a compliment? Is it hard for you to accept words of affirmation and positive feedback? This post is about how you can get better at taking in the good.
First, let me start by addressing two common myths I hear people share about what it would mean if they were to accept compliments and positive feedback.
Common Myths About Accepting Positive Feedback
Myth 1: “People are just saying that to be nice.”
There will always be some reason your mind tries to rationalize away something positive. Rather than questioning if something is true, reframe the question: “Is this way of thinking—to dismiss this positive feedback—helping me?” Most likely the answer is no.
There is only so much external validation you can receive, but if you’re quick to dismiss it, it’s like letting goodness leak out of you. You’re not going to reap the benefits of these positive experiences if you’re letting them go as soon as they come. When you let compliments and positive words of affirmation sink in, it helps you build a stronger internal sense of self.
Myth 2: “If I take credit for positive feedback, I’ll become weak and stop growing.”
Growing is not mutually exclusive from accepting praise and recognizing our strengths. Too often we only think of the actions we need to take to improve ourselves. We prioritize how to stop doing “bad” things (unhealthy habits, negative patterns in thinking and behaviors). I notice that perfectionistic types focus on negative feedback in order to find ways to fix their perceived flaws and strive for perfection. While making changes and improvements is important, this shouldn’t come at the expense of accepting positive feedback and being proud of what you’re doing well.
You will gain a lot from taking in both constructive feedback and positive affirmations. Acknowledging areas of strength are equally as important as finding areas of growth.
Accepting positive feedback and compliments will help you feel better about yourself, improve your mood, and contribute to more internal motivation.
Practice Accepting Positive Feedback
Notice the old habits of turning away from the good.
- What are ways you tend to bat away positive feedback and experiences?
- Do you quickly move on from one accomplishment to the next without acknowledging it?
- Are you quick to judge something negatively rather than turning towards what worked and what went well?
- List some of these tendencies you have. Notice them without judging them; don’t make it another reason to beat yourself up.
Practice a new way of responding to positive feedback.
Think of accepting positive feedback and compliments as a skill. Seek out small opportunities where you can accept positive affirmations and compliments and let them in without swatting them away. The more you do it, the easier, less uncomfortable, and more natural this act will become.
- Accept compliments without a rebuttal.
- Say “thank you” when someone shares words of encouragement with you.
- Let yourself be genuinely proud of something you’ve accomplished. Let it sink in.
- Share positive praise with others.
- Write to yourself—a note of gratitude, naming a small win per day—to document something positive about yourself and the state of your life. (e.g. “I am glad I did x today”)
Begin to think of cultivating a sense of inherent goodness about yourself as an essential component of positive well-being and health. “Inherent goodness” is another way of saying that regardless of your accomplishments, your looks, or behaviors, you are good enough and worthy of feeling content or proud with who you are.
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