Embrace Pain to Amplify Your Long-Term Pleasure

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Many of us are familiar with the demoralizing feeling of a letdown. It happens after a relationship crumbles, a job ends, and even when we surpass a milestone, such as when earning a degree. If these major life events are within our control, positive emotions will develop, however many times events are random and unexpected, generating feelings that make us feel sad or anxious. We can get the same adverse reaction when finishing a fantastic meal, reading a great book, or watching a compelling movie. We don’t want the experience to end because completion signals the conclusion of pleasure. When over, we experience the all-too-familiar “now what” sensation, accompanied by feelings of emptiness and loss. Surprisingly, regardless of the source of displeasure, our emotions are significantly influenced by the same biological cause, the neuromodulator dopamine.

Dopamine, one of many neurotransmitters that regulate behavior, is responsible for our motivation and drive, substantially influencing what we determine to be valuable and worthy of our motivational effort. Dopamine is naturally produced in the human body from the amino acid tyrosine (which comes in part from a diet high in protein) and is synthesized and released during the anticipation of and attainment of rewards, physiologically reinforcing whatever we believe caused the desired outcome (Shultz, 2016). Dopamine is implicated in learning, decision-making, regulation of motivation, and a variety of other activities related to physical movement.

The dilemma

Like most neurological functions, the brain strives to keep dopamine levels at the right level (i.e., homeostasis), so any peaks or valleys need to be reconciled by the brain (Ferrario et al., 2016). Each individual has a natural dopamine baseline—a default level of dopamine activity in the brain. This baseline isn't static; it fluctuates based on experiences and behaviors. When we engage in pleasurable activities, dopamine levels spike, creating feelings of excitement and satisfaction. However, the brain quickly adapts to these elevated levels. If we consistently engage in highly stimulating activities, our dopamine expectation gradually shifts upward. We want more. This adaptation is the brain's way of maintaining balance, but it comes with a cost: Activities that once brought pleasure may no longer feel satisfying.

When we experience something highly rewarding—be it a delicious meal, a gratifying experience, or the use of certain substances (like nicotine or alcohol)—dopamine transmission in the brain elevates. This surge creates intense feelings of pleasure and reinforces the behavior that led to the reward (Hsu et al., 2018). It's nature's way of encouraging us to repeat beneficial actions. However, what goes up must come down. After the dopamine peak, there's often a period of depletion. The brain, having released a large amount of dopamine, needs time to replenish its supply. During this time, individuals may experience a range of negative effects: reduced pleasure from ordinary activities, increased irritability or moodiness, difficulty concentrating, and cravings for a stimulating experience (Lembke, 2021). This dopamine deficit state can be uncomfortable and feels psychologically painful.

The challenging solution

The natural remedy is just to get more of what caused the pleasure from the start. However, the dilemma is that subsequent experiences never feel as good as the first time and dopamine is the culprit here too. For example, watch the same movie more than once and the thrill of the first viewing seems blunted. This happens because your brain works on a schedule of evaluating satisfaction based on the expectancy of reward in comparison to what you get. When experiences turn out to be better than expected, it’s a win and the brain generates dopamine. When that same behavior no longer gives us joy, either the expectation was too great or the experience was too mundane. Striving for more of the same never replicates the initial dopamine surge and thus we develop tolerance. When the dopamine source originates from nefarious substances or behaviors, addiction can result.

The solution is to embark on a period of dopamine renewal. During this refractory period, we experience discomfort and pain because we are depriving our brain of what it wants. Persevering through the hardship of deprivation causes a motivational lull and can seem tortuous. The process of resilience is rooted in the neurobiological reality that discomfort fuels pleasure. By intentionally introducing periods of reflection, the brain's reward system can reset. These deliberate gaps serve several crucial functions. The reset allows dopamine’s sensitivity to recalibrate, which means that when we do engage in pleasurable activities again, they will feel more rewarding. Think of how good something tastes when you haven’t had it for months. In turn, baseline dopamine adjusts, making everyday experiences more enjoyable. Learning to tolerate periods of discomfort or reduced stimulation teaches us that we can endure and even find value in less stimulating states. When we reintroduce pleasurable activities after a period of abstinence, our motivation to engage in them is often heightened, leading to greater appreciation and enjoyment. For those struggling with addiction, periods of abstinence are crucial for breaking the cycle of dependence and allowing the brain to heal.

Some strategies based on this knowledge include practicing intermittent abstinence by regularly taking breaks from highly rewarding activities, delaying gratification instead of immediately indulging in every desire, finding joy in simple things during periods of reduced stimulation, embracing discomfort rather than always avoiding it, and aiming for a balanced life that includes periods of excitement and challenge as well as periods of rest and reflection. By understanding the brain's dopamine system, we can cultivate a more balanced, satisfying, and resilient approach to life's pleasures and challenges. By becoming comfortable with periods of reduced stimulation or even discomfort, we enhance our capacity for joy and motivation in the long run. By respecting the natural ebb and flow of our neurochemistry, we can cultivate a richer, more sustainable relationship with life's joys and the unavoidable challenges we all must endure.