Experiencing Interpersonal Turmoil at Work?

Interpersonal turmoil at work seems to come with the territory. People do things (or fail to do things) and we get upset as a result. Of course sometimes we’re the perceived cause of someone else’s upset. So far things are pretty straightforward. When a third person or set of people are drawn in, we may have a classic case of the drama triangle.

Enter the Drama Triangle

The drama triangle refers to a specific interpersonal “game” first identified in transactional analysis, a once-popular form of psychotherapy. A set of interpersonal transactions is referred to as a game not because the intention is fun, or the effects inconsequential, but because the motive or payoff is not what it appears to be on the surface.

The three roles in the drama triangle are victim, villain (or persecutor), and hero (or rescuer). Note that the villain may not actually be a bad actor, or be aware that they are being experienced as a villain, but in the victim’s eyes, the villain is the cause of the victim’s troubles (and frequently seen as having nefarious motives). The triangle is formed when the villain complains to someone else (the hero or rescuer). To the extent that the hero provides at least a sympathetic ear, they are providing legitimacy to the victim’s perspective on the situation. Sometimes the hero offers, or is asked, to provide direct help. “Would you please talk to Beth (the villain) for me?” or “That was just plain wrong! I’m going to report John to HR because of what he did to you.”

The Costs of the Drama Triangle

What’s so bad about the drama triangle? Other than stirring negative emotion and pitting people against each other, enacting the triangle does not address the root problem between the victim and their perceived villain. Instead, the motive seems to be validation of victimhood, garnering sympathy, and sometimes getting others to “handle” the perceived problem (which frequently translates into persecuting the villain). Because the root issue is not addressed, players often end up moving around the triangle, taking on new roles. For example, the victim and hero become the villain toward the initial villain, who is now their victim. If the new victim seeks their own hero(s), more people are drawn into the game and roles rotate.

We Have Options

What can be done? The triangle collapses if the third player (the hero) refuses their role. So, in some ways, that role is the key to helping determine whether there is true resolution or simply continuation of the drama. Instead of hero, the person has the opportunity to offer being a coach. “It sounds like you and Beth need to have a frank conversation. Would you like to role play how that might go?” or “What do you think you need to do next? How might I be of help in your resolution of the issue?”

What I find most interesting is the victim’s response to an offer of coaching. If they are interested in resolution, such an offer is frequently welcomed and acted upon. However, if they seem more invested in the payoffs of victimhood, an offer of coaching is frequently met with a list of reasons why there is no good solution, or the situation is hopeless, or that they are in the right and the villain is in the wrong. At that point, the coach may bow out gracefully, feeling good for not allowing themselves to be sucked into the drama triangle. The victim is likely to seek out someone else to play the hero.

When you find yourself experiencing some interpersonal drama, is the triangle at play? What role or roles are you playing? What are alternative ways to view or interpret the situation? I once heard a leadership coach say, “Everyone is a hero in their own story.” So, even the perceived villain has good reasons for their actions. While the drama triangle will always be a feature of life at work, fortunately, we have the option to refuse to fall prey to it.