The R’s of Recovery

Recovery is a complex notion that can be applied to a number of psychological issues, from addictions to zelophobia (fear of jealousy). SAMHSA (the U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) defines recovery as “a process of change that helps people improve their health and wellness, live self-directed lives, and reach their full potential.” Such a broad definition suggests that most anyone could likely find a domain that could use some fine-tuning or adjustment, but disorders or difficulties that are interfering significantly with functioning are ones that generally require more of a concentrated recovery focus.

Different difficulties naturally call for distinctive action steps as part of the recovery process, but several metaphors serve to address some all-encompassing issues that are present in most any journey toward better psychological health.

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Beach Balls and Roundabouts: Less Repress and Repeat

Repressing feelings, thoughts, needs, or other significant information in our personal world can lead to more rather than fewer difficulties in the long run. Similar to pushing a beach ball underwater and having to use a fair amount of energy to keep it hidden, repressing unwanted feelings or thoughts doesn’t tend to work. We need to let the ball come up to the surface, examine the details, accept that certain features may simply be a part of it, and then figure out how to relate to that thing. This is uncomfortable, scary, and overwhelming at times, but is generally a necessary part of accepting the reality of the difficulty. Dwelling on difficulties or ruminating excessively is generally not helpful either, but compassionately facing the issue at hand is necessary. With less shunning, we can often experience more settling.

When we repress, we also end up repeating patterns of behaviors and continuously circling around feelings. Without thoughtful, intentional change, we are likely to do the same things over and over. As therapists often say, without a change, there will be no change. Going around a rotary but continually choosing the same exit every time will lead to the same old neighborhood. To have different, we have to choose different. And to choose differently, we have to have our eyes wide open to the path options and mindfully try things that might lead to new outcomes.

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Wrenches and Leaves: More Repair and Release

When we address problems directly, consistently, and bravely, we are actively repairing the difficulties. Like using a wrench to tighten or loosen a screw, we often need to be attentive to small shifts that can help. Looking at what we need to fix a stuckness, to unblock a defensiveness, or to increase well-being allows us to take compassionate action toward change. We can’t change the past or other people, but we can focus on what we need to feel better and do better in the face of the adversity. Is there a habit that can be shifted ever so slightly to feel some subtle transformation? Is there a conversation that needs to happen to release guilt or request an adjustment? Is there a way to let go of shaming blame and take responsibility for a repair step anyway?

In recovery journeys, there is also often the need to address the process of release. Rather than holding on tight to an idea or resentment long after it serves us anymore, we sometimes need to be letting that figurative leaf be swept up by the wind or carried away by the stream. We may not ever forget and sometimes we can’t forgive, but the holding on tightly to things that create more misery often is part of what keeps us stuck. We may never know all the factors that led us to this particular difficult position; awareness of this background landscape can be helpful but exhaustive or repetitive digging in the same spot can be another form of keeping us trapped. Finding tiny moments of reprieve, of turning toward the future, of choosing to add in other more pleasant things can be monumentally advantageous. Sometimes the release also comes in the form of putting aside the attempt to figure out exactly how the future or fuller recovery will look, as this is generally unknown, and take the baby steps forward anyway. Unlike repressing, which involves blinders and claiming “everything is fine” or a “nothing to look at here” type of approach, releasing involves full acknowledgment, sometimes appreciation, and authentic liberation.

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Superpower Capes: Holding Onto Respect and Resilience

All recovery does commonly entail respect for self and belief in resilience. Maintaining this sense of self-agency and optimism about making progress serves as a foundational base for motivation forward. Picturing our own superpower cape draped confidently over our shoulders can be a playful way to remember that recovery begins and ends with our belief in ourselves and in the self-righting process. Humans are hardy and are wired to bounce back, but not all humans have been taught this or are fully oriented to this in their life journeys. Challenging some of the assumed impediments to self-respect and self-resilience is often needed, as is some reworking of the self-talk. We can learn to stand tall and proud in knowing we can overcome hardship—and we are worth it. Developing and holding onto that hope can be pivotal in the recovery process.

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Checking on the Garden: Periodic Revisiting

Early stages of creating a garden are generally more time- and effort-intensive, but there is generally less energy required once growth is well established. Similarly, in recovery work, the harder phases tend to be in the beginning when new habits are being established and anticipatory anxiety about change is at its highest. Over time, the new patterns are more familiar and the effort required to maintain them decreases. However, there is value in periodic revisiting of the skills, the needs, and the status of the foundational structure. Sometimes habits slip or life events shift the stability, and so developing a method of tuning in for an authentic self-assessment is critical. If some pruning or replanting is needed, attending to this more proactively can often save us from needing a full overhaul.

Self-Reflection Questions:

• Are there areas or issues that you have been repressing that might be better served with a more direct and targeted focus?
• Is there something you are holding onto or are feeling to be a stuck point that might benefit from some repair or release?
• Can you identify a potentially self-defeating belief that may be getting in the way of your recovery work?