Meditation

Meditation: In a Heartbeat

When breathing isn't so hard.

Posted September 1, 2021 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Through a stethoscope, I hear the beat. But when I am sitting quietly alone, it is more a feeling than a sound. A steady pulsing in my chest, in and out, in and out, the rhythm of my life.

I am practicing being in my body. It’s not always easy for a writer who spends so much time in her head. It’s easier to locate my reader in time and space than it is to locate myself.

I stand and notice the weight on my feet. Is there more weight on the left side or right, on the ball or heel, on the inside or outside of the foot? I feel my pelvis, my hips, my knees. I don’t follow my breath—I feel it. Inhale, exhale. I notice a pause at the end of the exhale, before breath and life come back into my body. I feel my arms and legs. Can I feel the shape of my skin? Eyes closed, I hear birds and a neighbor’s dog. The sweet scent of lilacs takes me back to my childhood garden. I find my place in time and space.

I’m becoming fluid inside my body.

A friend said to me one day, “The greatest thing you can do for yourself is to get to know yourself.” To know where I end and you begin and what’s in the space between us.

“Now listen to your heart,” she suggested. I felt fear at the thought. What if it was erratic? What would be revealed if I listened to my heart? But I turned inward and listened, to my inner life and breath.

It’s amazing how much I can learn about myself if I am still and listen.

In workshops, after a short meditation, 10 minutes or so, the writing always seems to be from a deeper place. I give prompts like “I’ll never forget the time ...” or “What I keep coming back to ...” and suggest that people write the first thought that comes to them. We write about our obsessions, over and over, until we make peace with them. Here, a writer and longtime meditator explored her yearning for ease.

"Oh, the yearning for physical and mental ease. The deep release when I can actually hear the waves, the sounds of the world. When I feel my muscles relax, and my breath flow: so gentle, so helpful. And then the counterpoint: the nagging thoughts, the discontented habits of mind.

If I’ve been sitting still for hours, sometimes I can actually feel the moment that the discontent arises. Will I ever be able to just relax, fully, with what is, without needing such a radical intervention?"

With good writing, we connect emotionally with our readers. Call it inspiration (breathing in, being alive). Call it intuition. This is the place I want to write from. This is the heart of the matter.

Exercise

Sit quietly for 10 minutes. If you have a mantra or meditation practice, feel free to use it. If not, follow your breath, each inhale and exhale. Begin with a deep inhalation and a long exhalation. You might find it easier to focus if you follow each in-breath, counting to 10. At the end of your meditation, do a free-write using the prompt: “What I keep coming back to ...”