Mating
This Is Your Brain on "Bridgerton"
Why you're obsessed with this popular show.
Posted June 12, 2024 Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
Key points
- Romance stories cause our brains to release a satisfying combination of neurochemicals and hormones.
- "Bridgerton" offers us a relief from the challenges and disappointments of modern dating.
- Enjoy the stories but don't let them interfere with finding love in real life.
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Bridgerton, a popular show on Netflix based on Julia Quinn’s novels, has been a hit, to put it lightly. Its third season has 45 million views, with the second half still yet to be released. (The last four episodes will be out on June 13.) These stories have struck a chord with the general population. But why is this show so addictive? Why do we love these love stories? And why is social media abuzz with reels and memes about these characters? Let’s look at our brains on Bridgerton.
The Story Arc Is Reassuring
Bridgerton is set in England in the 1800s (The Regency Era) and follows the many Bridgerton children as they enter society and are encouraged to find a “love match” by their mother, Violet (Ruth Gemmell). While other parents encourage their children to wed for practical reasons, like wealth and status, Violet wants her children to marry for love. Conveniently, her children tend to fall in love with people with reputable names and privilege.
We’re currently in Season 3, in which Colin Bridgerton (Luke Newton) and Penelope Featherington (Nicola Coughlin) are the main couple. They are a classic friends-to-lovers story. They have been close friends for many years, although Penelope has always longed for more, and after a forbidden kiss, Colin realizes he’s attracted to Penelope, too. The first half of this season ends on a cliffhanger, with Colin offhandedly proposing to Penelope after a lustful engagement now commonly referred to as “the carriage scene.” These two are about to hit a huge rupture because of Penelope's big secret, but right now they're suspended in a state of bliss.
Each season, we can rely on the main couple having a classic romance story arc. The two people are attracted to each other but can't be together for some reason. Then they admit their feelings and are happy, only to be pulled apart again. Then, thankfully, the couple manages to resolve their issues and finds happiness at the end. This show doesn't reinvent the wheel with these storylines, but it does vary them.
"Bridgerton" Is Basically a Drug
The biggest appeal of this show is that, like all romantic tales, it triggers a cascade of neurochemicals and hormones that make our brains very happy. The combination of oxytocin, norepinephrine, and dopamine is an emotional rollercoaster (with more highs than lows). It’s a ride that activates our brain’s pleasure and reward centers, leading to intense joy and satisfaction, thus making us want more. This explains the incredible BookTok following and the recent rise in popularity of romance novels in general.
The slow build of the romantic tension and eventual expression of the characters’ lust causes our bodies to release oxytocin, the so-called “love drug,” which activates the pleasure centers in our brains and makes us feel happy and connected. Watching two people flirt and pine makes us feel loving and hopeful. Imagine how you felt watching Colin lust after Penelope, staring at her as she licked cupcake frosting off her lips. Or imagine his desperate desire in the carriage scene. Seeing Colin and Penelope slowly move toward each other, hinting at their attraction and eventually embracing an intimate moment, releases a powerful flood of oxytocin, which makes us feel warm and gooey and emotionally attached to the characters.
But in this series (as in all romance novels), the couple inevitably hits a rough patch. In Bridgerton’s third season, we saw Colin and Penelope almost miss being together when Penelope found a suitable match in Lord Debling (Sam Phillips). When this occurs and we’re not sure they’ll return to each other, we experience a rush of norepinephrine. This neurotransmitter and hormone activates our fight-or-flight response, increasing our attention and arousal. The fear we feel at the prospect of the couple not making it stimulates our stress response but only to a small degree since we know there will be a happy ending after this brief period of heartache.
However, the norepinephrine flooding our bodies won’t be there for long. This brief spike in our stress response is soon alleviated by the sweet relief of dopamine when the couple gets back together. When we anticipate a resolution, and also when the couple finally gets through the conflict, our brain will happily release dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for pleasure. We know that another rupture is coming for Colin and Penelope whenever he finds out she's Lady Whitsledown, but we also know that we'll get a hit of that sweet dopamine when he inevitably forgives her for the deception and they end up happily ever after.
A Break from Modern Dating
While it’s clear there’s a chemical component to our love of Bridgerton, there’s more to this show than the typical high of a romance novel arc. This show provides us with things we may be missing in our own dating lives: passion, vulnerability, and a happy ending.
Modern dating is far from the adventure depicted on Bridgerton. Courtship in The Regency Era certainly had its problems—like how women had no rights and marriage was the only acceptable ambition for them—but at least in the show, we see a world in which desire and love matches reign supreme. The female protagonists are offered appealing suitors—princes and marquesses—only to reject these kind and wealthy admirers for men with whom they have an emotional attachment (and who also have excellent titles and are still rich). By following their hearts, they get to have it all.
Contrast this with many people’s experiences in modern dating, in which they sit alone at night, swiping left and right, trying to strike up conversations with people, wasting time on chats that go nowhere, or getting ghosted just when they think they’ve met someone great. There are no rules and no communication. But in Bridgerton, people are more direct. There are understood rules for how to flirt, court, and propose. And everyone has generally ended up in a pretty fantastic relationship despite the trials they endure.
Enjoy the Show, but Don't Get Lost in It
Bridgerton is an undeniably great time. It's fun, reliable, romantic, and is sure to light up the pleasure centers in our brain, making us want to go back for more. Enjoy the show, let yourself experience the joy of a happy romantic ending, but don't fall too far into this fantasy. Although there's something lovely and relieving about romance stories, we still need to find love and attachment in the real world. Don't hold your partners up to the Bridgerton standard, and keep dating (if you want to) despite how unsatisfying it is in comparison to these stories of courtship. It's easy to go down a romantic rabbit hole, but an obsession with fantasies is unlikely to make you happier in your own romantic life.