Jump Start Love and Happiness with a 3-Day Gratitude Plan

Focus outside of yourself and express thanks.

Source: Rita Watson, 2019

Want a quick start to happiness and love? Focus on something outside of yourself. Think back on fireworks displays, flowers, children, pets, or paintings - a tree and the birds that flutter from branch to branch - and then express gratitude. In our multi-tasking world we sometimes find it difficult to focus for even 10 minutes on someone we love. Yet think of how long fireworks can mesmerize us. With fireworks we focus on each new burst into the air and with each display we are dazzled. Our attention span is unbroken. But this does not always happen with those we love. And here is where gratitude becomes so important.

In "Practicing Gratitude," the March NIH News explains two simple steps.

"The first step in any gratitude practice is to reflect on the good things that have happened in your life. These can be big or little things. . . Next, allow yourself a moment to enjoy that you had the positive experience, no matter what negatives may exist in your life. Let positive feelings of gratitude bubble up."

Savoring feelings of gratitude helps with detaching from the intrusion of electronics and cell phones. Have you ever watched what happens to a couple during a romantic dinner when a cell phone rings? In the split second to answer or turn the phone off, the mood is shattered.

Strengthening a relationship takes work and focus, and, in this respect, it is helpful to add mindfulness to gratitude. Although men and women have been shown to react differently to mindfulness in terms of conflict, according to "Sex-specific effects of mindfulness on romantic partners’ cortisol responses to conflict and relations with psychological adjustment," Psychoneuroendocrinology, 2013. Nonetheless, these tips can be helpful:

• Forgo anger - Remind yourself often that in relationships it takes honesty to face the enemy within; courage to say "I'm sorry;" and wisdom to embrace.
• Develop an attitude of gratitude rather than taking love for granted.
• Smile often – at friends, family, and strangers. Look into their faces and silently wish blessings.
• Practice mindfulness when you walk, eat, and when you find moments to be alone.

Mindfulness and gratitude:

Mindfulness fosters the freedom to be in the moment and not anticipate what might happen next. When we were children, many of us had relatives or parents to act as a buffer to mitigate disappointment and regret. But now we are responsible for our own freedom, our own joy, and handling our feelings whether happy or sad. Savoring each moment frees us from distraction as well as fretting about the past and worrying about the future. Additionally, mindfulness creates a place in our hearts for acceptance, gratitude, and the ability to give someone we love our undivided attention.

Dr. Robert Emmons, a professor of psychology at the University of California at Davis believes in practicing gratitude even if we do not necessarily feel like doing so. He says that "Attitude change often follows behavior change. By living the gratitude that we do not necessarily feel, we can begin to feel the gratitude that we live."

Here is a three day plan:

Gratitude on Day 1: Express thanks by finding three qualities that you love about your partner. All day long focus on those positive qualities. No matter what happens, try to ignore all of those little irritating moments or habits that drive you mad.

Forgiveness on Day 2: Identify three things about yourself that make you angry and three things about your love that make you want to scream. Now forgive yourself and forgive your love. Be grateful for the sensitivity to forgive.

Appreciation on Day 3: For an entire day, speak only kind words. Yes, an entire day. The truth to tell is that even I find it difficult at times, but give it a try. Tell your husband or lover or partner that he or she is the most perfect, wonderful, loving person in the world --no matter what. If you feel a spark of annoyance, turn it around and find a trait for which to be grateful. As someone once told me - think of annoyance as a spark from a broken match that hits a carpet. Leave it alone and it will simmer and leave a mark. Stamp it out immediately and it's gone.

If you are not yet convinced of the value of happiness, have a look at the findings of Dr. Karina Davidson, of Columbia University Medical Center, and her team. They followed 1,739 people for 10 years participating in the Nova Scotia Health Survey. Their findings: "Happier people are less likely to develop heart disease than crabby ones." European Heart Journal 2010.

Gratitude Essential Reads

How Our Emotions Dictate the Way We View Time

Research Finds That Hearing "Thank You" Really Matters for Parents

In some ways the three day plan is like cleaning out closets, desk drawers, or tackling a pile of papers. You feel better and you sleep better with the clutter cleared away. With the gratitude plan, you are essentially clearing out feelings that keep your relationship from thriving. The ultimate goal is to create a mindset for unconditional love.

Copyright 2019 Rita Watson