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Even people with positive, grateful attitudes can be overcome by the presence of toxic personalities. Gratitude is an attitude that thrives with practice: Saying the words, “Thank you," offering kind gestures to others, and keeping a daily gratitude journal will enhance gratitude. These suggestions from the Positive Psychology Program at University of Pennsylvania help one stay focused. How then can generally happy people lose their joy when confronted with toxic behavior? If you touch a poison ivy leaf, it is likely to infect you. Squeeze a lemon into a glass of milk and it will sour. There are two key ways to stay safe from toxic behavior: Nip it in the bud. And whenever possible keep toxic people at bay.
In schools, the workplace, and in families toxic behavior is best handled by early intervention or avoidance. Ignoring the person encourages the behavior to continue. It is ineffective to address such behavior in a group—at schools and in the workplace–because toxic personalities do not see themselves as offenders. They must be made aware of their behavior on an individual basis. In families, this is tricky but not impossible, oftentimes with the help of a family therapist.
Regarding toxic situations at schools, Corey Mitchell points out in Education Week:
"If there's a situation and you've noticed it once and then you are able to bring it to that person's attention lightly, sometimes they'll go ahead and make the change," said John Eller, a professor of educational leadership and administration at St. Cloud State University in Minnesota.
"If you wait and let the problem fester, it becomes a really major kind of conversation. Instead of looking the other way or addressing the entire staff, principals should go directly to the employee or employees and address the issue early, and, if need be, often.”
In a workplace if a leader is responsible for negative behavior that remains unchecked, productivity is reduced, as reported in the 2018 article, "An Empirical Study Analyzing Job Productivity in Toxic Workplace Environments," in the Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health:
However in studies at University of Pennsylvania, Brad Desmond writes: "People thrive when they are happier. When mood becomes brighter, we set higher goals and persist longer towards them. We experience less stress and fatigue and show better team cooperation and problem-solving." (Positive Psychology in the Workplace, Thank God It's Monday.)
In a Psychology Today post, “How to Handle the Most Toxic People in Your Life,” Katherine Schreiber quotes Dylan Minor of the Kellogg School of Management:
“The single most important thing you can do is minimize contact. If you work near a toxic person, ask for a rearrangement of desks. ...If you work on a team with a toxic person, ask for reassignment to another project…. If your boss is the toxic person, limit the time you spend with him or her and identify others in your organization who can offer an ear. If nothing at all can be done, start looking for another job. If that’s not an option, request to be paired with a different supervisor.”
When toxicity clashes with gratitude
Toxic means poisonous, harmful, dangerous, unsafe. If you are confronted with a toxic person in your home, keep in mind that this behavior fosters anger, confusion, tension, blurred concentration, and sleepless nights. And while this is happening, your attitude of gratitude becomes stifled. Grateful people are often cheerful, thoughtful, and loving. Whereas toxicity creates drama and unleashes unhealthy emotions. When this happens in the home, in addition to talking with a mental health professional, you might also try this exercise.
In general, it is best to avoid toxic people altogether. When the conversation is unavoidable, keep it short and then walk away. When trapped in a situation meant to tear at your heartstrings, offer sympathy and move on.
When coming in contact with people who badger you, think in advance of a way out. Keep in mind that toxic personalities will not take “no” for an answer: If they want your time or information, or friendship they will keep coming at you and play the hurt victim when you rebuff them.
Keep your attitude of gratitude healthy and thriving. Motivate yourself to see good, leave behind toxic behavior, and move forward. Train your brain for gratitude and build a new neural pathway. You owe it to yourself and the people you love to guard your attitude of gratitude. Protect yourself from toxic behavior. Cherish your smiles, your concern for others, your sense of humor, your ability to look for the good in others, and your ability to bless instead of curse.
Copyright 2019 Rita Watson
