Young Girls Deferring to Boys Hamper Decision-making

Boys raise their hands more often than young girls.

Source: Public domain, US Marines

Decision-making can leave people stuck in the “what if" trap. Fear of making the wrong decision was labeled “decidophobia” by Princeton University philosopher Walter Kaufmann in Without Guilt or Justice: from Decidophobia to Autonomy (1973). Recently Alice Paul Tapper, the 11-year-old daughter of CNN’s Jake Tapper, wrote Raise Your Hand (March 2019) to encourage young girls to take a chance on an answer and speak up rather than defer to boys. William Brown, CEO and Executive Director of the Eli Whitney Museum and Workshops, Hamden, Connecticut, voiced this sentiment in 1989 when he spoke to me as I was researching Sisterhood Betrayed. He was concerned that girls deferring to boys would deprive the future workforce of its stars and leaders.

Alice Tapper wrote in a New York Times Op-Ed, Oct. 31, 2017:

“People say girls have to be 90 percent confident before we raise our hands, but boys just raise their hands. I tell girls that we should take the risk and try anyway, just like the boys do. If the answer is wrong, it’s not the end of the world.”

Under the best of circumstances, decision-making can be stressful. Nonetheless, Tapper noticed on a fourth-grade field trip when “all the boys stood in the front and raised their hands while most of the girls politely stayed in the back and were quiet.”

Bill Brown’s Concern

In 1989 Bill Brown spoke to me on this topic. He had been teaching classes to young thinkers, inventions, and decision makers—all of whom have been in national competitions called “Odyssey of the Mind.” Brown said:

“In a class of boys and girls, even though a girl may have the right answer and will make the right decision, she will defer to the boys. Often, the girl is not avoiding leadership, but consciously choosing to support the worth of the group by accommodating the male leader.

"Accommodation is necessary for groups to work and that seems to occur to girls far more often than to boys. In any case, a good behavior—sensing and supporting group needs—has an unfortunate side effect: sometimes girls surrender the lead when theirs was the best idea, when they should have been the leader. Rewarding that silent behavior may be depriving the future workforce of its stars and leaders.” Sisterhood Betrayed page 199.

That said, what is it that can help women make better decisions? It is valuable be careful of snap judgements and instead take a minute to see what is taking place. Many women tell me that the most difficult part is stepping back to assess a situation. It is during an assessment stage that you really must take a close look at what is happening, has happened, or is about to happen. Or you might just be able to trust your instinct. "Whether by Intuition or Logic, Make a Choice and Be Grateful" Psychology Today.

Will astute decision-making help women advance in the workforce? The news on that front is still discouraging. Harvard Business Review reported "Sensors Show That Men and Women are Treated Differently at Work in October 2017. The authors, Stephen Turban, Laura Freeman, and Ben Waber, noted:

"Gender equality remains frustratingly elusive. . .Companies need to approach gender inequality as they would any business problem: with hard data. Most programs created to combat gender inequality are based on anecdotal evidence or cursory. When organizations implement a solution, they need to measure the outcomes of both behavior and advancement in the office. Only then can they transition from the debate about the causes of gender inequality (bias versus behavior) and advance to the needed stage of a solution."

In the interim, encouraging young girls and women to take a chance on making decisions and speaking up will strengthen their skillset. What is important in decision-making is actually making the decision, rather than obsessing over it and worrying about the "what if."

Copyright 2019 Rita Watson​​​​​​