Living Intimately

Relationships

Listening Is Hard and You Suck at It

James V. Cordova Ph.D. on October 18, 2024

Deep, empathic listening is almost impossibly hard, because our partner is often saying something that we don’t like and don’t want to hear.

Deep, empathic listening is almost impossibly hard, because our partner is often saying something that we don’t like and don’t want to hear.

Relationships

What Is It Like to Be a Porcupine in Love?

James V. Cordova Ph.D. on September 6, 2024

What if the greatest challenge to intimacy in our relationships is that we are all basically quill-covered porcupines?

What if the greatest challenge to intimacy in our relationships is that we are all basically quill-covered porcupines?

Gratitude

Watering the Seeds of Gratitude

James V. Cordova Ph.D. on September 24, 2019

I’ve heard some couples say that they shouldn’t have to thank each other for “doing their job.” This is just wrong.

I’ve heard some couples say that they shouldn’t have to thank each other for “doing their job.” This is just wrong.

Relationships

How True Love Tastes: The 80/20 Rule

James V. Cordova Ph.D. on May 23, 2019

We learn by experience that we can actually survive inside a state of deprivation, reassuring ourselves that it is temporary, or noble, or maybe just the cost of being a grownup.

We learn by experience that we can actually survive inside a state of deprivation, reassuring ourselves that it is temporary, or noble, or maybe just the cost of being a grownup.

Relationships

Exchanging Ows

James V. Cordova Ph.D. on January 9, 2019

This is how we cultivate intimacy rather than callousness, softness rather than coldness, closeness rather than distance.

This is how we cultivate intimacy rather than callousness, softness rather than coldness, closeness rather than distance.

Relationships

Walking on Eggshells With Loving Steps

James V. Cordova Ph.D. on November 9, 2018

Walking on eggshells in your relationship may be an act of love.

Walking on eggshells in your relationship may be an act of love.

Holding ourselves off from intimacy because we need this problem to go away first is a trap. If you drag your relationship into this trap, it will happily chew it up, spit it out, and ask for more.

We miscommunicate more commonly than we communicate accurately.

Wisdom

God Grant Me Serenity

James V. Cordova Ph.D. on August 5, 2011

We are all familiar with the Serenity Prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that must be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Serenity, courage, and wisdom are the three attributes most needed in our endeavor to remain in intimate relationship with one another.

We are all familiar with the Serenity Prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that must be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Serenity, courage, and wisdom are the three attributes most needed in our endeavor to remain in intimate relationship with one another.

One of the trickiest things about intimacy is that it requires that we allow ourselves to be judged. And not just judged, but judged guilty.

People change. Life is always on the move.

Attention

Attention Is the Most Basic Form of Love

James V. Cordova Ph.D. on May 6, 2011

There is an epidemic ravaging the health and happiness of American families. We simply have no time for each other.

There is an epidemic ravaging the health and happiness of American families. We simply have no time for each other.