Intergenerational Relationships and Pandemic Isolation

Last night was Halloween, a celebration that marks the beginning of cooler weather and upcoming festivities. Normally, we go to a friend’s house for the evening. There we enjoy a big pot of warm soup, sit on the front porch, chat with passing families, friends, and neighbors, and give out candy to elaborately costumed children.

Last evening, however, we sat in the back garden for a short dinner and visit. It was lovely to acknowledge a very special day, but we missed trick-or-treating children sporting delightful costumes as well as the convivial conversations with parents and neighbors.

Halloween

Source: Lauren McConatha

A subdued Halloween is only the beginning of holiday changes—the beginning of smaller modified holiday gatherings. Beyond the health and economic consequences of COVID-19, the pandemic has also sparked the cancellation of a multitude of family gatherings, summer weddings, reunions, birthdays, and now the winter holidays and new year celebrations. While it is important to keep our families and friends safe, celebrations serve important social and psychological purposes. They mold our sense of self, build and reinforce our self-esteem, and shape our social identity; they also reinforce our place in a community and society. Holiday rituals strengthen the ties that bind us to family and friends, especially across the generations. Intergenerational relationships help to promote the sense of connection that underscores our well-being--especially in later life. Given the stress-laden lives that many of us lead, the holidays have traditionally been times that develop and strengthen our social connections and allow us to celebrate family moments, remember the past, and plan for the future.

Holiday rituals and traditions also connect us to our cultural roots. For many older adults, especially those who are grandparents, canceled holidays can result in feelings of isolation from loved ones.

Lonely Times

Source: Jasmin Tahmaseb McConatha

Grandparents tend to be the storytellers and kin-keepers of families. They reinforce important inter-generational relationships. As we approach the winter holidays, an annual time for festivities and family rituals, we are faced with trepidation over what we can and cannot safely manage. Will we be able to spend time with children, grandchildren, siblings, parents, friends? For older adults, this question is fraught with additional anxiety. If I go to a family celebration, will I be infected with COVID-19? How much time do I have left to enjoy being with my family? Could this be my last Thanksgiving or Christmas?

The 2020 and 2021 holidays are likely to be very different from previous years. As the numbers of infection and hospitalizations rise and lockdowns loom, we understand the importance of precautions. As the days shorten and cooler weather approaches, we also feel a looming sense of sadness. Every day we are warned about unnecessary travel, large gatherings, not to forget warnings about exposing the virus to vulnerable populations. As we sort out what our festivities will look like this year, we struggle to maintain a sense of optimism.

While it is important to stay positive, to feel gratitude for what we do have, it is also important to express sadness at what we have lost. I will never again take a hug for granted. I will never again be able to casually help someone with a chore, lay on the sofa next to my sister, brother, cousin, without hesitating first and worrying about contagion. Coming from a large close family, from a culture in which hugging, physical closeness, touching, and kissing on both cheeks is the normal greeting, I wonder if I will live long enough to take those small intimacies for granted again. I am not certain fear and anxiety are easily conditioned and difficult to extinguish.

Throughout history, there have been events or discoveries that have fundamentally changed the nature of social relationships---the plague, antibiotics, the computer, cell phones, and the airplane. The emergence of coronavirus pandemic is unfortunately one such phenomenon. The ongoing presence of COVID-19 is likely to reconfigure the shape of our social relationships for the foreseeable future. It is not often that we have an event that will affect almost every single relationship in our lives, but it is not hyperbolic to say that this is the case with the pandemic of 2020. During the past eight months, there have been multiple challenges to all our relationships. There have also been unexpected pleasures and satisfactions. For example, my dear friend who remained isolated for three months with her two adult daughters, young women who had recently moved away, felt grateful for those weeks of intimacy--relaxing days of conversation, collaborative cooking and neighborhood walks, an unexpected gift in a time of global sadness.

As the holidays loom how can we safely connect with family and friends? How will we confront the privations of winter? Some of us may endure more solitary celebrations. Perhaps we will invite friends and family for small outdoor gatherings of short duration. These are all good suggestions. Even so, they are often unmanageable and sad for older adults, especially older immigrants, whose families may live far away and who look forward to visits from children and grandchildren over the holidays.

Social distancing is especially difficult for those who live-in high-density urban areas, places with little outdoor space for even small gatherings. In addition to being closed off in small spaces, we may well miss support from neighbors and friends. Many of us may not feel comfortable attending services in places of worship. While religious gatherings are not currently safe, these gatherings help provide emotional benefits, preserve customs, and give meaning to what may appear to be meaningless suffering. For those who live in neighborhoods with fewer economic resources, there are additional anxieties and challenges. Lack of easily accessible resources such as food and medicine, the absence of green spaces for walking and fresh air, fears about safety in the dark of night, all exact an emotional toll. In these pandemic times, many older adults may experience an increase in stress-related health concerns and loneliness, especially when they are confined to their homes and cannot even use public transport.

The pandemic months are filled with anxiety, especially for older adults who feel vulnerable to the virus, to illness, to chronic disease, and disability. In these rather dire conditions, it is important to be as safe as possible, to follow suggestions for safe holiday festivities. There are many resources and news articles with excellent recommendations about safely moving forward during these difficult times. It is also important to acknowledge that following important health restrictions are difficult. It is important to acknowledge the challenges we face in our attempts to be safe in the pandemic. If we are too cheerful, we may not see important warning signs to our well-being. We need to acknowledge that we have needs that are not being met. Social science research tells us that social engagement is a significant component of healthy aging, how long can we go without participating in the rituals that define who we are? Gratitude, positive thoughts, optimism for the future is an important part of coping during this difficult time. It is also important to express fear and anxiety about the present and for the future.