Crushed by a Crush: A Parent’s List of Do’s and Don’ts

Source: loopulacrum/iStock

Your child comes to you crying, so devastated you quickly assume the worst. In your panicked state, you bark out questions: "Are you hurt?"; "Where does it hurt?"; "How did you get hurt?"; "Who hurt you?"

After they take a deep breath, they finally tell you their story. When they finish, you want to laugh out loud. Avoid this reaction at all costs. Remember, heartbreak at any age hurts!

Regardless of the backstory, your child is hurting. The best way to help them is to validate their heartbreak.

The tween years are fraught with uneven development. Each child develops at their own unique pace. This is why your daughter may be obsessed with Barbies and interested in boys as well. In fact, you may hear her playing out different dating scenarios with her Barbies. Or maybe your son still sleeps with a nightlight but asks you to drive him and his girlfriend to the movies.

So, how should you react if your lovesick tween gets crushed by their crush?

What follows is a list of do's and don'ts

Do comfort your child by letting them know you are sorry they are hurting.

A little validation can go a long way. When you acknowledge your child's pain, you send a clear message that you understand they are hurting.

Don't respond with cliches like, "There are plenty of fish in the sea."

This can be interpreted as a trivializing response.

Do listen.

Your child is hurting. Sometimes a sympathetic and attentive ear is all they want or need.

Don't offer unsolicited advice.

Because tweens tend to be egocentric, they are super sensitive and often interpret unsolicited advice as patronizing. If you have some advice to offer, ask them if they want to hear it. Don't be offended if they take a pass. After all, part of their egocentrism results in a belief that no one has ever felt the way they do, especially not their parents.

Do continue to check in with your child about how they are feeling.

By continuing to check in, you send the message that you care and that you understand how hard this has been for your tween.

Heartbreak at any age is difficult. Because tweens often feel awkward and unsure of themselves, they are prone to shame and embarrassment. That is why this kind of rejection can feel devastating. Thankfully, tweens also tend to be pretty resilient. Don't be surprised if one minute they come crying to you about their crush, and the next, they are elated about the score they just achieved on their favorite Switch game.