Reinventing Valentine’s Day for All the Single People

Since the 1500s, Valentine’s Day has been associated with romantic love. But if you’re single—especially if you’re newly single, broken-hearted, or wishing you were in a healthy relationship—Valentine’s Day can feel more like a day of mourning.

It’s a day that underscores the fact that you are unattached and perhaps lonesome, without a special someone to call your own. While lovers are exchanging heart-festooned cards, flowers, chocolate, jewelry, and perhaps lingerie, you’re empty-handed and lacking a partner with whom to mutually bestow tokens of adoration and lust. It’s a day that can trigger you to feel alone and longing for what you don’t have.

If you struggle with Valentine’s Day, you’re definitely not alone in that. Some people wear black in protest. Others make it a point to celebrate with friends, such as calling it “Galentine’s Day” or joining the newly minted “Palentine’s Day” (February 13) as a special celebration of platonic relationships. These celebrations can remind the romantically unattached that they are still loved and connected to others.

Here are some additional strategies that can help you endure, and even enjoy, this day.

Put a positive spin on it. Yes, celebrate with gals and pals, and even your cat, dog, bunny, or bird who loves you unconditionally. If you have nurturing relationships with children, whether they are your offspring, nieces and nephews, neighborhood kids, friends’ babies, or your students, remember that children can especially embody love and adoration toward the caring adults in their lives. Treat this as a day to mindfully appreciate your vast array of loving relationships.

Practice gratitude. Instead of dwelling on what you don’t have or what you long for, mindfully focus on what you do have, including anything that enriches your life or offers you pleasure. Whether it’s your health, your home, your wardrobe, your hobbies, your job, your friends, or your natural surroundings, turn your attention toward abundance.

Reach out and connect. This is a day when people can openly express their love for each other. Text your sports team. Give your colleagues chocolate. Send flowers to someone who has come through for you during this past year. Buy those little paper Valentines meant for schoolchildren and hand them out to the folks who cross your path on this day, including panhandlers. Notice that as you brighten the day of others, you brighten your own.

Ponder radical ideas about love. For example,

• I am made of love.
• The love I desire dwells within me.
• I am the love of my life.

Write out these ideas or repeat them as mantras to yourself, and observe any objections that come to mind—objections that perhaps you absorbed years ago from caregivers (particularly parents and teachers) or from anyone who has criticized you, rejected you, undermined you, or refused to see the treasure in you. Talk back to these hurtful messages by asserting, with self-compassion, these radical ideas, which embody spirituality and the fact that you are truly lovable, just the way you are. Post them where you’ll read them for days to come, and rewire your brain to affirm the true love that you are.

Be your own best friend. Focus on self-care and treat yourself to something special on this day. And if you're still nursing a broken heart, embody the lyrics from Miley Cyrus’s new hit song, "Flowers":

I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in the sand
Talk to myself for hours
Say things you don't understand
I can take myself dancing
And I can hold my own hand
Yeah, I can love me better than you can.

Most of all, remember that for anyone who cultivates a loving mindset, every day is Valentine’s Day!