What Do Clothes Have to Do With It?

Source: Wikimedia Commons image by PopTech

When the Senate changed its dress code to accommodate Senator Fetterman’s fondness for less formal dress, I was thrilled. It got me thinking about our curious obsession with dress codes—and the kind of attire designated by the clothing gods who run bureaucracies.

Unlike the animals with whom we share this planet, humans wear clothing. I’m a supporter of this human innovation. For one, I wouldn’t want to put garment companies out of business—throwing people out of work and perhaps crashing the global economy. But, beyond that, ever since Adam and Eve suddenly realized they were naked, symbolic of the dawning of a self-consciousness unique to humans, we’ve had good reason to scrape together various outfits—not only to protect us from the harsh elements but also to keep our sexual impulses under some kind of unsteady control.

Beyond the strictly practical aspects of donning clothing, the colorful threads we choose can be creative expressions of our individuality. When I visited Peru and Ecuador, I was touched by the striking colors and flowing, casual outfits worn by women and men. It reflected playfulness and their joy of being alive.

Clothing That Controls Us

Much of our Western dress conveys a drab seriousness, perhaps more so for men than women. Some women are wise enough to insist on clothing that is more comfortable, although the wearing of high heels and restrictive undergarments, perhaps designed to please men, are not the kind of self-care that might keep them healthy and mobile in their later years.

For men, the buttoned-up shirt, the cinched-up tie, the jacket, which many men wear even on hot days, is a sad commentary of how society prioritizes how we look over how we feel—image over substance. Thank God for casual Friday!

I have miserable memories of being in Catholic school from kindergarten to third grade, where I was required to wear a white shirt and tie every day. I hated it. The shirts were scratchy, and the tightly buttoned shirt and tie restricted my breathing and comfort. My creative workaround was to stuff Kleenex up my shirt sleeves to soften the coarseness until my mother discovered this one day and scolded me.

I felt relieved when my family was forced to move when our home was targeted for destruction due to the building of the Verrazano Bridge in Brooklyn. Moving to Long Island, I attended public school. But, even then, I wore shirts and pants that felt stiff and uncomfortable. When I came home, I tore off my clothes and could finally breathe deeper as I put on cozy pants and a flannel shirt.

I’m convinced that I would have done better in school if I felt more comfortable physically. I’m pleased that I survived and managed to attend college, where I could dress how I wanted. My grades markedly improved. This was not entirely due to dressing less formally (I loved many of my classes!), but I'm convinced that it was an important factor. It’s harder to learn when we’re distracted by feeling uncomfortable.

Having sensitive skin, I’m especially sensitive to fabrics that rattle my nervous system. I would suggest that strict dress codes are a kind of discrimination against people with sensitive skin. Clothing designers may not be tuned in to this; they seem to favor coarser fabrics, sometimes chemically treated to avoid wrinkles. Give me wrinkled clothing anytime!

Creating Disconnection From Self and Others, and Propelling Authoritarianism

As we scramble to fabricate a self acceptable to others, our true self goes into hiding. Sadly for all of us, some people with such self-negating habits go into politics. They thrive on looking good, speaking authoritatively, and saying what they believe will amass power, praise, and wealth. They feed a false self that will never be truly satisfied. They are far removed from their true self and sadly unaware of the early origins of the bargain they stuck to abandon themselves to gain favor and approval. They’ve lost contact with their precious and vulnerable soul, while oftentimes hiding behind the shield of religion or moralistic beliefs, or resorting to various addictions to ease the pain of separation from themselves, others, and life.

This disconnection from themselves is one way to understand what psychologists call a personality disorder. When being disconnected from oneself feels acceptable and natural (ego-syntonic), this is not only damaging to ourselves, but it is also a strong propellant toward the authoritarianism that is spreading in our nation and elsewhere.

Authenticity Essential Reads

Beyond Beauty: The Allure of Expressiveness

How to Find Your Life’s Fulfillment in Love and Work

As discussed in my book, Dancing with Fire, living a healthy, authentic life means opening to our common humanity. This includes a willingness and capacity to listen deeply to others, embrace differences, and extend empathy to those who are struggling. Living a meaningful life and having fulfilling relationships can only be based upon being our authentic, vulnerable selves, which also creates the foundation for a healthy society. Creating a healthy society means living more in our hearts than in our heads—not hardening into smug certainties that fuel divisiveness.

The Courage to Be Ourselves

Thank you Senator Fetterman for having to courage to be yourself. Perhaps like me, you function better when you’re comfortable. We need leaders who feel free to be themselves rather than conforming to some image.

Trying to adjust ourselves to live up to societal images is a major cause of dysfunction in our lives and relationships. There are many books about this, including psychologist Alice Miller’s seminal work, The Drama of the Gifted Child, and my own book, The Authentic Heart.

What we’re up against is that we long to be free—and we long to belong. Can we have both? The more we extend acceptance and respect to people who are different than us, which includes people who look or dress differently, the more we create a civil and vibrant society.

We’re supposed to be a free country, right? Then why not support people to dress the way they want? What’s the big fuss? Those who protest, citing the importance of proper decorum, are clinging to an outdated belief that respect for our institutions needs to be reflected through our dress. There are many people who dress impeccably but haven’t the slightest respect for our institutions or each other—oftentimes trying to control others’ decisions about what they read, who they love, or how they govern their own bodies.

Having proper respect will always be a function of our inner attitude, not external trappings. It’s not about the clothes. It’s what’s in our hearts that matters.

© John Amodeo