Toxic Relationships: A Bad Investment

Toxic relationships can negatively impact your mental health.

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Life's all about investments: time, energy, talents, and resources. Sometimes we hit, and sometimes we miss. Anyone who has experienced a toxic relationship will agree that it's not a wise investment. They are draining and damaging to your soul. Yet, we keep pouring in, hoping for change. In other words, we continue to invest in the face of signs that we are losing capital.

It can be challenging to recognize when you are in a toxic relationship. Toxicity can vary, sometimes feeling like a tsunami and other times like a small drip. Both can cause significant harm—one quickly and the other gradually, over years.

Toxic relationships are frequently marked by emotional manipulation, abusive conduct, and/or neglect. Clarity might be difficult to achieve, making it appear impossible to break free. Yet, it's crucial to recognize that you hold the ability to terminate the toxicity and establish a positive, enriching life—a change in perspective is all it takes. In other words, you have to make a different investment.

Breaking free from the shackles of a toxic bond can be a daunting task, often demanding sacrifices of the soul. Those untangling themselves from such relationships frequently find themselves at a crossroads, needing to distance themselves from the breadwinner or the popular social figure who is admired by others (yet acts completely different behind the scenes). Here are some guidelines to help you break free from a toxic relationship.

Know the Signs of Gaslighting

...and run as soon as you see them. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation whereby a perpetrator twists reality so much that you start questioning your experience. Essentially, it leads you to question what you witnessed, heard, remembered, or felt. While all genders experience it, women are more likely to experience it (U.S. Department of Justice 2016). Furthermore, it typically occurs in "power-laden intimate relationships [where] trust and coercive interpersonal strategies bind the victim to the perpetrator" (Sweet, 2019, p. 870).

This potent form of control can leave you feeling perplexed and anxious, fostering doubt about your own sanity.

Talk to Someone You Trust

Seeing things clearly in a toxic relationship can be challenging. Seek support from a trusted friend or family member who can provide an objective viewpoint to help you gain clarity and make informed decisions. Ensure that this person has your best interests at heart and creates a safe space for you to share.

Seek Therapy

You definitely shouldn't be surprised that this is on my list. If you're struggling to cope with the emotional fallout of being in a toxic relationship, therapy can be an invaluable resource. A therapist can help you work through feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Plan for a Safe Exit

It is important to note that intimate partner violence typically includes gaslighting, according to Sweet (2019). Therefore, when planning your exit, assess the level of danger within the relationship. You may consider relocating, changing your job/career and contact information, and/or involving law enforcement to ensure your continued safety after you leave the relationship.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Toxic relationships can have a lasting impact on mental health, even after the relationship has ended. PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, is a condition that can develop after exposure to a traumatic event. For many people who have been in toxic relationships, the emotional and psychological abuse they experience can be so severe that it meets the criteria for PTSD. Symptoms can include intrusive thoughts and memories, avoidance of people and places associated with the trauma, hypervigilance, and extreme anxiety.

If you have experienced a toxic relationship, it is essential to seek out professional help to deal with the aftermath. With proper treatment, you can begin to heal your psychological wounds.

Relationships are complex, and they take work. They require communication, compromise, vulnerability, and a whole lot of effort. If the relationship consistently creates negative emotions for you, you may be in danger of overdrafting your psychological bank account.

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Like a financial bank account holds funds for your physical resources and materials (e.g., food, clothes, shelter, etc.), a psychological bank holds emotional resources. For example, your psychological bank account holds your coping strategies and techniques to help you manage the stressors encountered throughout your daily life.

If you overdraft your psychological bank account, you have no capital to address the other stressors on your journey. Make changes before you overdraft your psychological account.

And, if you are already at the point of being overdrafted, there's only one solution. Like with your financial bank account where you have to start making deposits until you get out of the hole, you have to start making emotional deposits (e.g., using the tips above) until you get out of the hole.

The cost of toxic relationships is too high for you to continue investing.

To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.