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People who overthink get stuck in cycles of worry and rumination. Worry refers to concern about what could happen. Rumination refers to rehashing what has already happened. Overthinkers commonly rehash conversations, past decisions, and mistakes.
Worry and rumination can cause a variety of ills, including feeling distracted, experiencing physical symptoms of stress, and disrupted sleep.
Here are three practical ways overthinkers can feel less emotional pain by curbing worry and rumination.
1. Develop personal criteria for when you will make the next best decision.
An example: Recently I needed to get a blood test. Instead of just going ahead and getting it, I dithered about whether I should add on some other routine labs at the same time.
The perfect scenario was to get every useful blood test in one trip. The next best scenario was to get the blood test my doctor had asked for promptly. Yet, I spent about a week delaying that while I was overthinking about what else I should get at the same time.
I didn't want to experience the regret of thinking, "Oh I should've also gotten...." and feeling annoyed with myself.
The criterion I use for minimizing the harm of overthinking decisions is that if I have thought about the perfect decision three times but not acted, I will take the next best, but much easier, action straight away.
If you tend to overthink, consider establishing personal criteria to determine when you should shift towards the next best, simpler action or decision, rather than getting caught up in pursuing perfection.
2. Recognize that having limited bandwidth is normal and not a personal flaw.
Imagine this scenario: Your doctor asks you to take a medication four times a day with food, in addition to another medication you already take that you need to consume at least an hour before eating. You expect that this regime will be a big burden on you and difficult to comply with. However, you feel too embarrassed to mention this. When you don't ask, you don't find out that there is an alternative medication that is taken only twice a day. You think you should be able to arrange your day around eating four times so you can comply with the doctor's prescription.
Self-critical overthinkers often believe that they should take every opportunity and comply with every instruction. They often perceive that other smart, successful people are cramming productive activity into every nook and cranny of their lives. They think they should have perfect self-discipline.
Rather than harbor such thoughts, acknowledge that we all have limitations in terms of time and energy. It's not a personal flaw to acknowledge your boundaries and confidently state, 'This is what I can manage.'
If complying with a regime is difficult for you, try labeling the regime as too complicated, instead of labeling yourself as too ill-disciplined. There's often an alternative, if you ask for it.
3. Recognize what you're trying to avoid by overthinking.
When people overthink, they're usually doing so to try to avoid the pain of a less-than-optimal decision and the resulting self-criticism.
As an example of this. I wanted to avoid criticizing myself for forgetting about another useful blood test I could've gotten at the same time.
Another reason people overthink is as a way to avoid feeling embarrassment or judged. For example, the person overthinks about how they can possibly take a medication four times a day with food, rather than asking their doctor for a possible alternative. After all, there is a chance the doctor might not react supportively. Overthinkers often react with self-criticism when others don't react supportively, even if their request was reasonable.
By identifying what you're trying to avoid by overthinking, you'll often realize that you have the capability to handle it. While it would have been frustrating to think of another useful blood test right after my appointment, it wouldn't have been catastrophic. I could have handled that regret. In fact, that would have been less disruptive and harmful than indulging in excessive overthinking.
Try to see when the pain and other downsides of overthinking (like hesitation) are worse than whatever you're trying to avoid, like regret or embarrassment.
Which of these three ideas might be useful to you? Pick one and give it a go.
