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Leonard Pitts Jr, a columnist for the Miami Herald, had a recent commentary: Women are not the ones who need fixing. He opened with the claim, “Women are not the problem.” It reminded me of when I conducted an interview about the release of my co-authored book, Code Switching: How to Talk So Men Will Listen. The interviewer began by asking, “Is this another book on how women need to fix themselves and change to accommodate men?” Needless to say, when she asked that question, I agreed that the focus of many books and training has revolved around the issue and assumption that if women would just change their behavior they would get along better with men and in the world. For example, one of my pet peeves is the claim that the reason men make more than women and pay inequity exists is that women just don’t ask for more and underestimate their value—a simple self-esteem issue. Simple as that, right! Wrong.
Ernst & Young, the multinational business services firm, is one of the largest in the world. Along with Deloitte, KPMG, and PricewaterhouseCoopers, it is considered one of the Big Four accounting firms. EY has continuously been ranked on Fortune magazine's list of the 100 Best Companies to Work For for the past 21 years, longer than any other accounting firm. They also provide HR consulting. In their Hoboken office, they recently conducted a training entitled, “Power-Presence-Purpose,” meant to offer female employees advice on how to navigate the workplace. “Women’s brains,” according to this training, “absorb information like pancakes soak up syrup, so it’s hard for them to focus. Men’s brains are more like waffles. They are better able to focus because the information collects in each little waffle square.” Additionally, one attendee told HuffPost, she was advised not to “directly confront men in meetings because men perceive this as threatening.” It was emphasized that it was important not to be too aggressive or outspoken. And don’t speak in a shrill voice. The list goes on.
This training occurred just a month after a woman settled a complaint with Ernst & Young that the firm did not act when she reported being sexually assaulted by a partner at the company. The goal of this training was built on the assumption if women would just talk a certain way, act a certain way—if they would fix themselves—they will get ahead.
Pitts offers some situations to consider, like a women with a black eye who says, “He didn’t mean to do it. I provoked him” Or a sexual assault victim who is blamed because she wore her skirt too short.
Now just for a moment, think about the possibility of a seminar for men to help them navigate the workplace. In my 35 years of conducting training in 49 states and on five continents, I have never heard of such an event. Have you ever heard of a seminar for men on how to approach female colleagues or how to avoid speaking in annoying tones? Or how they should dress? As James Brown sang, This is a man’s world. It is up to women to change and adjust to men, and not vice versa. With the advent of the #metoo movement, we have learned that it is not women who need fixing.
