Supporting Kids to Respond to Bullying in the Moment

Bullying is an unfortunate reality that too many kids have to deal with. It occurs all across America in classrooms, on school playgrounds, in cafeterias, and online.

Bullying occurs when there is a power imbalance — for example, due to age, physical size, emotional maturity, or cognitive ability. Kids with developmental disabilities are at increased risk of being victims of bullying as are other marginalized populations — kids from immigrant families, English-language learners, kids from low-socioeconomic status backgrounds, and kids with physical disabilities.

The effects of bullying, whether face-to-face or online, can be devastating and lead to profound mental health problems, including anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. While bullying has always been around, in many ways the problem is getting worse as many kids no longer get a reprieve from it once they leave the school grounds. With cyberbullying, it can be a 24-hour ordeal that kids must navigate.

Much of the bullying research literature rightly points to the need for intervention to occur at the school level through enforcing zero-tolerance bullying policies and providing training on the role of bystanders and actions they can take when they see bullying happening. Several bullying incident reporting forms have been developed to ensure timely documentation around tracking bullying that can be shared with relevant school staff.

What gets lost in much of these efforts are practical tools that the bullying victims themselves can use at the moment they suspect they are being bullied. Often the way victims of bullying react — big emotional outbursts — is the very reaction that bullies hope to get, which then reinforces the bully’s behavior.

Supporting victims of bullying with ways to respond that do not give the bullies what they want (or get the victim in trouble) can be tricky. Fortunately, there is a relatively simple and easy-to-remember problem-solving strategy to help kids respond to bullying in the moment using the SCIDDLE acronym.

The following are the steps of SCIDDLE:

S – Stop: Take a moment to pause and remember to not act or respond until you can work through SCIDDLE.

C – Calm down: Find two or three different strategies you can use to quickly calm your body and mind to focus on SCIDDLE and not respond impulsively with anger or other big emotions.

I – Identify what is happening and why it is happening: Is it really bullying or was there some misunderstanding?

Maybe I got hit in the head by a soccer ball. Was it intentionally thrown or kicked at me to hurt or scare me, did I perhaps walk in the middle of a game, or did someone want to include me in the game by kicking or throwing it to me?

If someone is saying mean or hurtful things to me, think about why they are doing it. Are they trying to get attention from the people around them or trying to make people laugh? Are they trying to control me and get a big reaction? Are they maybe upset about something that happened between us earlier?

D – Decide what to do: List as many options of ways to respond as possible. Do nothing and walk away? Respond with humor? Respond with a request for them to stop or you will tell the teacher? Saying something rude in response or hitting the bully are certainly options, but they may not be the best options since they may end up with you getting in trouble.

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D – Do it: Pick the best option and do it.

L – Look around and see what’s happening: Pay attention to whether the bully is leaving you alone or if your decision is not working.

E – Evaluate how you want to respond in the future: If what you chose worked, then do it again in the future. If it did not work, then think about why and perhaps pick a different way of responding next time.

When teaching my patients about SCIDDLE, I have them write the steps down on an index card that they can carry around in their pocket as a reminder.

The key to SCIDDLE is less about having it handy for use in the moment they are being bullied, but rather it’s a tool to help them practice over and over with a trusted friend or adult. They can role-play various situations where bullying may be happening and practice going through the SCIDDLE steps to hone those skills. Then, when bullying is happening in real-life situations, they are better able to run through the SCIDDLE steps because they’ve practiced them a number of times already.