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Creating holiday or seasonal traditions as a couple can be important for maintaining a strong friendship and connection. It can be part of the shared meaning you create in your relationship and fun rituals of connection. In John Gottman’s research on couples, he found that couples that have strong shared meaning have higher relationship satisfaction. Investing in the way you create and celebrate traditions can contribute to that satisfaction. Something happy healthy couples do is create things in their relationship that are unique and special to them. It can be the way they define roles in their relationships, symbols in their relationship, goals they create together, or rituals for how they spend time together. This post focuses on rituals and creating them during the holidays.
Holidays, or the winter season in general, can be a stressful time for a lot of people. We all experience pressure to join in on every celebration and experience joy. To counter the stress, it can be important for couples to have their own holiday traditions and rituals. Even if you don’t have kids, take the time to create your own family experiences by doing the things you like best. Sit down with your partner and identify what is most important to you and when you’d like to do it. Finding things to do and different ways to connect during the holidays can help reduce the season's stress. Instead of feeling pressure to take part in everyone else’s traditions, you can find ways unique to your relationship. Feel free to be creative and step out of the box on traditional holiday rituals if that feels more like your style.
Here are a few ideas to try:
- Coffee or hot cocoa date. Go to a local coffee shop or buy some fun holiday flavors to make your own at home.
- Try a new tradition. Read up on how others celebrate the season and try a new tradition together.
- Cook a meal or bake a treat. Take some time together to cook your favorite festive food and enjoy it together.
- Pick out or make an ornament together. If you put up a tree or other decorations, make a special date to create something unique to this year together.
- Take a drive. Look at some festive lights with the heat on.
- Take a hike. Winter hikes can be beautiful to experience together.
- Watch your favorite holiday movie. Plan some movie nights and you can each choose your favorite.
- Find a ritual with gifts. Figure out how you’d like to exchange gifts and share your expectations.
What else comes to mind when you think about celebrating the holidays or winter season together? Was there something from your childhood you want to share with your partner? Maybe even a tradition from another culture you would like to try. A ritual in itself can be brainstorming with your partner for new traditions you would like to try for each season.
It doesn’t really matter what you do together, it’s the time you spend connecting that is most important. Rituals are great to have on a regular basis, it can be nice to have several daily and weekly rituals as well as ones that occur less frequently. Holidays are a nice time to create some seasonal ones but creating year-round rituals are important as well. Think about your rituals for when you leave for work or return home from work: How do you connect at the beginning and end of your day? Set a ritual for weekly date nights and how you'll celebrate birthdays and anniversaries.
