Lovingkindness and Compassion Lift Up Everyone

Suffering is universal. Yet even during the most difficult times, we are all part of universal humanity.

In a world filled with polarization – war and peace, love and hate, joy and sadness --lovingkindness and compassion matter now more than ever. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed by the strife and harsh rhetoric of our contemporary lives. And it can be hard to find our way through all the turbulence.

Most of us have not learned to pay much attention to the quiet moments of lovingkindness, often unnoticed, that infuse our lives in sometimes subtle ways: a smile, an outstretched hand, someone letting your car in during traffic, a handshake, a greeting from a store clerk.

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According to U.S. Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, M.D., isolation and loneliness comprise a public health crisis that is harming our health and well-being as individuals and a nation (Murthy, 2023). He labels isolation and loneliness epidemic, creating an urgent public health concern with a risk to mortality equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes per day (Murthy, 2023). Murthy recommends that our society shift toward creating a culture of greater connection, strengthening relationships and rebuilding social bonds. We can do this with lovingkindness.

It’s easy to extend lovingkindness and compassion toward the people we like, much more difficult to respect and care about those we don’t know. And how do we lift up love and compassion for those we don’t like?

Many spiritual traditions teach the idea of loving one’s neighbor as oneself as a core principle. The teachings invite us to consider that everything we do be done with lovingkindness—to regard all other humans with compassion whether we deem them as deserving or not. To recognize that we and all beings everywhere are interconnected.

Mindfulness practices can help. Many dabble in mindfulness. Marc Margolius (2018), suggests bringing mindfulness into the flow of day-to-day life. This means acknowledging our feelings, even the challenging ones. Rather than trying to talk ourselves out of difficult feelings, we can mindfully notice them and let go of judgements about our natural reactions.

To begin, we can practice softening our hearts, easing judgments about ourselves and others. I’m imperfect, you’re imperfect, but we’re all part of humanity.

By learning to accept conflict and differences, we might notice opportunity for common ground. And we don’t have to start with the hardest people. We can begin with people we don’t like or disagree with just a little bit. And then recognizing our shared humanity, we might learn to extend compassion.

Lovingkindness meditation derives from a practice called Metta in Buddhist tradition (Salzberg, 2010). Empirical research shows that lovingkindness meditation practice can increase our experience of positive emotions and connections with others, along with personal resources, such as social support and living with purpose (Kok, 2013; Goleman & Davidson, 2017; Fredrickson, et al, 2008).

Lovingkindness meditation is simple and offers a pathway toward greater kindness and compassion for ourselves and others. When we practice, we are invited to contemplate warm and kind feelings first to ourselves and then to others, beginning with someone we already feel tenderness toward, such as a child, other family member, or a close friend. Then, when we’re ready (this may take moments, weeks, months, or longer), we may extend caring feelings toward a widening circle of people, including people we have never met.

You may repeat several phrases that can vary by your choice. For example:

May I feel safe.

May I feel lovingkindness.

May I feel wholeness and peace.

Then when you’re ready, you might extend it outward:

May you feel safe.

May you feel lovingkindness.

May you feel wholeness and peace.

Investing in compassion and lovingkindness can strengthen our personal resilience and well-being, and extend outward to build social connections, social capital, and help transform ourselves and each other toward creating a more peaceful world.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only. No content is a substitute for consulting with a qualified mental health or healthcare professional.

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