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Key points
- Gratitude is acknowledging the goodness and positives in our lives.
- While you may not be able to change your circumstances, you have influence over what you focus on.
- There are many benefits to learning to cultivate more gratitude in your day-to-day life.
The benefits of gratitude go well beyond simply helping you feel good.
What is gratitude? Gratitude is noticing and acknowledging the goodness, positives, and blessings in our lives. Psychologist, Robert Emmons, Ph.D., (2007), writes that gratitude is not simply a feeling – it is much more. The experience of gratitude calls us to recognize that we have benefited from someone’s kindness. And gratitude implies humility in understanding that others have contributed to who we are or where we are in our lives – that we are beneficiaries of kindness, goodness, or positivity.
Research shows that when we practice gratitude regularly, there are many benefits relationally, physically, and psychologically (Emmons, 2016, 2007; Emmons & McCullough, 2003).
Gratitude can help you experience more positive emotions (Sheldon & Lyubomirsky, 2006; Emmons, 2007). While you may not be able to change the circumstances you face, you do have great influence over what you focus on. You have choices about your attitude (Frankl, 1959). You can choose to notice your blessings as well as your burdens.
Many of us want to feel greater well-being and happiness and can benefit from learning how to infuse our lives with more moments to pause and notice our gratitude. And changing our habits typically happens step-by-step, rather than all at once (Berns-Zare, 2020).
Gratitude researcher Emmons (2007; 2016) offers a menu of strategies to cultivate a gratitude habit. Here are a few practices:
1. Reflecting on Three Questions Each Day. This strategy is drawn from the Buddhist practice of self-reflection called Naikan. Self-reflecting can be related to any area of your life – relationships and social interactions, professional/work situations, self-development, social action, connecting with the higher aspects of yourself or the interconnections among all living things. The three questions:
- What support, kindness, or care have I received from others?
- What have I shared with or contributed to others?
- What difficulty or trouble have I been the cause of?
This practice can be used as a springboard for self-reflection. Try it for 10 minutes each day. At the end of the week, consider an action you might want to take.
2. Writing in a Daily Gratitude Journal. Set aside a few minutes each day to remember moments that you feel thankful for. For example: walking in nature, listening to music, watching a show or great movie, talking with a loved one or friend, a gesture of kindness, a positive change in your health, the taste of a bite of food, a beautiful flower, leaf, or tree, watching the sunrise or sunset, the sounds of moving water, a moment of quiet or a moment of joy.
3. Being Aware of Your Language During the Day. The language we use in our daily lives impacts how we see ourselves and the world. Integrating the language of gratitude into your everyday self-talk can stimulate the experience of gratitude. Examples of thankful words include appreciative, gifts, fortunate, wonderful, thankful, blessed, awesomeness, praise, grace, thankfulness.
4. Taking a Mindful Pause for Gratitude. During the day, especially when you’re feeling stressed, you can pause for a moment of gratitude. As you inhale, think “Breathing in love,” and as you’re exhaling, “Breathing out gratitude.” You might think about someone or something you are grateful for or appreciative of as you do this.
5. Awakening and Action. Drawing on ideas from positive psychology, mindfulness, and neuroscience along with mind, body, spirit integrative practices, this 5-Step Personal Discernment Process can assist you to contemplate and create action for your next steps on life’s path.
PARDA 5-Step Awakening and Action Process (Berns-Zare, 2023; 2020):
- Pause and notice the flow of your breathing.
- Actively Listen to your intuitive wisdom and inner voice.
- Reflect on your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations.
- Discern as you sift through your awareness, realities, possibilities, and choices.
- Act with intention. What’s the next right thing?
Mindfully choose your next steps for reflection or action.
Pause. Listen. Reflect. Discern. Mindfully choose your next steps.
Where might more gratitude or thankfulness fit into your life?
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only. No content is a substitute for consulting with a qualified mental health or healthcare professional.
© 2024 Ilene Berns-Zare, LLC, All Rights Reserved
References
Berns-Zare, I. (2023). PARDA: 5-Step Awakening and Action Process. https://ibzcoaching.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/PARDA-5-Step-Awakening-and-Action-Process-IBZ-Coaching-2023.pdf
Berns-Zare, I. (2020). 5 Steps for Greater Perspective and a Positive Shift: This 5-step awakening process may help you re-energize, reduce negativity, and gain greater clarity. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/flourish-and-thrive/202011/5-steps-for-greater-perspective-and-a-positive-shift
Berns-Zare, I. (2020). 6 Powerful Ways to Build New Habits: How strengthening your habits can strengthen your brain. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/flourish-and-thrive/202002/6-powerful-ways-build-new-habits
Emmons, R.A. (2007). Thanks! How the new science of gratitude can make you happier. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin Company.
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389.
Frankl, V. (1959). Man’s search for meaning. New York, NY: Washington Square Press.
Sheldon, K. M., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2006). How to increase and sustain positive emotion: The effects of expressing gratitude and visualizing best possible selves. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 1(2), 73-82.
