Five Common Myths About Miscarriage

A recent survey of over 1,000 American women and men between the ages of 18-69, 15% of whom reported they or their partner experienced one or more miscarriages, found that Americans are woefully misinformed about the facts of miscarriage (defined as a pregnancy loss up until 20 weeks fetal gestational age). Here is a sample of the myths and the truths about miscarriage:

Myth #1: Miscarriages are rare. The researchers found that close to two-thirds of their sample believed this to be true, with 55% believing miscarriages occurred in 5% or less of pregnancies. Men are 2.5 times more likely to believe this than women.

The TRUTH is that miscarriages are the most common complication of pregnancy, occurring in between 15–20% of clinically recognized pregnancies (that’s one out of five pregnancies), and probably even higher as miscarriages, most of which occur even before seven weeks of pregnancy, can occur even before a woman knows she is pregnant. The fact that pregnancy loss is typically a taboo topic in our culture may contribute to this misunderstanding. Many women are advised not to share news of a pregnancy with family and friends until the beginning of the second trimester because miscarriage is frequent or many have superstitious beliefs about jinxing the pregnancy if it is disclosed too early. Thus, many women who do miscarry may not receive the support they need and feel quite isolated and alone.

Myth #2: Miscarriages are caused by stress (76% of sample believed this), lifting something heavy (believed by 64%), having a sexually transmitted disease in the past (41%), prior use of an IUD (28%) or oral contraceptives (22%), an argument with somebody (21%), or lifestyle choices such as the use of alcohol or cigarettes during pregnancy (22%).

The TRUTH is that miscarriages are most commonly (60% of the time) due to chromosomal aneuploidy (having an incorrect number of chromosomes present). Other causes can be related to the mother’s health including structural abnormalities of the uterus or her having an endocrine or autoimmune disorder.

These misconceptions about causes of miscarriages can lead others to ask questions or make comments that suggest the loss was somehow the woman’s fault, and women are prone to blame themselves inaccurately, anyway, for something that is completely out of their control.

Myth #3: Most women do not feel sad or upset by a miscarriage, experiencing it as a non-event.

The TRUTH is that there can be a great deal of sadness in experiencing a miscarriage. Of respondents who had experienced a miscarriage, 66% reported that the impact of a loss of a child to miscarriage is as emotionally severe as losing a child that has already been born. There can also be feelings of guilt (47% of the sample), self-blame and believing they had done something wrong (41%, with 38% saying they felt they could have somehow prevented the miscarriage), isolation and aloneness (41%), shame (28%), and a sense of their bodies betraying them. It must be noted that some women do feel relieved, however, because they knew something was wrong with the pregnancy or because the pregnancy was unwanted. Whatever you feel, remember that your emotions are never wrong.

Myth #4: Knowing the cause of a miscarriage is pointless.

The TRUTH is that 78% of respondents wanted to know the cause of their miscarriage, even if no intervention could have prevented it from occurring. Fewer people (by 19%) believed they had done something wrong when a cause for the miscarriage was found. Fifty-seven percent of the sample, however, was not told what might have caused their miscarriage.

Myth #5: Talking about someone’s miscarriage only gives them greater sorrow and pain.

The TRUTH is that silence and secrecy is really the culprit of greater pain and shame. Parents report feeling less alone when others shared their own miscarriages or recognized that this may be a painful loss for them. Even disclosure of miscarriage by public figures helped reduce the feelings of isolation for people.

Acknowledging someone’s loss and being available to listen to them can really help. Saying things such as, “You can always try again; At least you know you can get pregnant; If you adopt you’ll get pregnant; It happened for a reason; It’s G-d’s plan; It wasn’t even a baby yet”, even if you think you are trying to be comforting to them, are usually experienced as minimizing or diminishing of the parent’s feelings of loss over this particular baby and the frequency of these comments reported by people may further demonstrate how misguided our society is in reacting to pregnancy loss. It is probably best to simply say, “I am so sorry for your loss” and listen to whatever they wish to share without probing. In addition, asking what you can do to help, such as bringing food to the grieving couple, offering to call and notify others for them, or arranging babysitting or playdates for any other children they may already have can be experienced as extremely supportive by the grieving couple.

While a larger sample size of individuals and couples experiencing a miscarriage is needed, it appears both from research and many years of clinical experience that pregnancy loss is a deeply personal loss, frequently accompanied by varying degrees of guilt, shame, and self-blame. Our cultural taboo not to talk about deaths that are out of the natural order (i.e., out of sync with the normal trajectory of life, i.e., old people die, young people do not) does not make the pain go away, sidelines grieving parents with their suffering, and further contributes to their feelings of isolation and shame.

Miscarriage Essential Reads

Supporting Someone After Miscarriage: Your Presence Counts

5 Grieving Objects to Commemorate Baby Loss

The authors of this study, which was published online, rightfully concluded that greater awareness and more support is needed for these parents. Two sources of support that I can highly recommend include:

SHARE Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support offers online and face-to-face support groups across the nation.

The Pregnancy Loss Support Program of the NCJW-NY Section, for miscarriage, stillbirth, and newborn death, offering telephone support by trained peer volunteers who have experienced pregnancy loss across the nation and face-to-face support groups for couples and individuals in the New York City tri-state area.