Is Your Child Feeling the End of Summer Blues?

Parents and kids are beginning to feel the nearing end of summer. They foresee the ebbing of what is often a lighter schedule, more relaxed time, longer daylight hours, and fewer responsibilities. This is a kind of loss.

There are many kinds of loss and we feel it is important to recognize the smaller ones as well as the larger ones. In a child’s life, the largest ones would be the death of an immediate family member. But many other losses occur in daily life, from losing a favorite toy or book to a pet dying or a beloved teacher leaving the school to the changing of the seasons. These matter because in a child’s life, such events may take on greater significance than we adults might anticipate. It can feel like a tightrope. How do you acknowledge the importance of these kinds of losses without overly magnifying or minimizing them? We think there is a way through.

Ten-year-old Jason loved his fifth-grade science teacher. Halfway through the year, she announced that she and her family were moving to a different state. He was very sad and also angry. He came home, ran into his room, and sobbed on his bed. His parents were concerned and inquired about what was going on.

Jason replied, “ Ms Jackson is leaving us! Oh no, oh no !” His father replied, “ Well, Jason, he has to move but he is just your science teacher, you have many other great teachers.”

Jason turned away and refused to continue talking with them.

Could this have turned out with a connection between parent and child rather than distancing?

Whatever the magnitude of the loss, you do not risk dramatizing by engendering compassionate conversation.

“I see how upset you are that your teacher left your school. Can we sit together for a few minutes? Would you like to talk about what you are feeling?“

If your child does, you can listen quietly and most importantly without judgment. Either way, it is a moment to think together about what they can do with their sadness or anger or whatever wide range of emotions they may be experiencing. Depending on their age, they might draw a picture, jot down memories, or look at photos of the person or animal who is no longer with them. Showing that difficult feelings can be worked with and faced is how we avoid minimizing them as well as overly focusing on them.

Maya Angelou said, "We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” We all go through easier times and harder times. The harder times are not fun but they do offer the possibility of emotional growth and developing greater empathy for those who are struggling. While we advocate not telling your child this directly as a kind of lesson, this is a wonderful thing for your child to learn from you via modeling and the kinds of conversations we suggest here. It does make bearing difficult times a little bit lighter to carry.