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How many times have I heard one of the following: " I'm going to find the toughest lawyer in town and take that wretched man to the cleaners." Or, "I'm so worried because she said that if I leave her she was going to take me to the cleaners." Or, He told me that if I went after his pension he was going to really get mad and take me to the cleaners. Getting taken top the cleaners is something I have heard about so often that I decides to look and see if I could find this famous place Divorce Cleaners. But it wasn't in the phone book and it wasn't on the net. Couldn't find a single branch in any of the malls I drove through. So after years of searching I had to admit that there is just no such thing as divorce cleaners. Its just one more of the myths that Americans entertain to make believe that divorce still offers a way to get even; to right the injustice done when one spouse decides to leave another. It's one of those things that you fear about divorce that impels you to find a lawyer who will stroke you're anger and fear and tell you what you want to hear, namely, that he or she will get you justice in the court and that on the day of judgment the judge will right the wrongs done to you, smite your wicked spouse and reward and vindicate your virtue. And so lawyers get to send their children to college.
"Divorce cleaners" is a broadly accepted myth that like other divorce myths runs counter to reality. Because about 98% of all divorces are settled prior to trial very few ever get to trial before a judge. And if you talk to enough people who actually went to trial only a minority thinks that the trials or the judges were particularly satisfying. Few divorce judges constitute the cream of the legal crop. And because most divorces are settled very few are settled with a big winner and a big loser. Most divorces are settled according to well established local norms for settlement. It is only the exceptional case in which property is not divided equally. Child support is established by state mandated guidelines. And in most jurisdictions there are general standards that influence how much alimony is paid and for how long. So the reality is that in most divorces experienced lawyers and mediators know in the first few minutes approximately how a divorce will settle.
So if the outcome is highly predictable what about that special lawyer we find in every town that enjoys the distinction of being the toughest lawyer in town. He or she enjoys a reputation for knowing where Divorce Cleaners is located and for being aggressive enough to insure that his/her client's spouse ends up there. These lawyers usually have big practices and charge a lot of money for their representation. But alas, there is no evidence whatsoever that they get better results when they represent a client; that their clients get more of the property or pay more or less alimony or gain anything particular except a bigger fee and a more dragged out case. And with most of these lawyers we can generally predict that when they are involved, the clients will be bitter and have difficulty cooperating after the divorce. Because in truth, any reasonably competent experienced lawyer can obtain about the same result as any of these "stars." So save your money and don't waste your time. Divorce cleaners doesn't exist and your lawyer doesn't know where to find it.
