The Neuroscience of Secrets

The secret is out: Secrets are not bad—well, not always. Not all secrets carry the same weight. Some can even have a positive impact. Distinguishing between positive and negative secrets is a good starting point. According to M. L. Slepian, (2021) secrecy is a common and consequential experience but we still lack an integrative theoretical model to capture the range of secrecy experiences.

Secrets and Lies

Positive secrets are essential, and some of these help with bonding relationships and creating necessary boundaries within families and couples. These secrets may later be shared intentionally and selectively, promoting a sense of belonging, closeness, and connection, creating intimacy, and protecting the self and others. Positive secrets, such as planning a surprise party for a loved one, require constant vigilance to ensure they aren't accidentally revealed, illustrating the cognitive effort involved in maintaining such a secret.

Negative secrets, however, can be harmful and corrosive, potentially posing risks to oneself and others. Keeping these secrets might lead to anxiety, guilt, shame, and stress. Recent neuroscience research has shed light on how different neural networks and neurotransmitters interact to facilitate the complex task of maintaining secrets, particularly negative ones. According to T. R. Jennings (2017) many people are afraid of the truth. It may be diffucult for their ego or they believe that it might cause them pain, embarrassment, or a loss of status, job and relationships. So running away or suppressing it is the perceived easier option.

Cognitive Load. "Keeping a secret demands significant cognitive effort, leading to increased cognitive and emotional strain" (Lane & Wegner, 1995). Repeatedly thinking about concealed information consumes further energy. The frontoparietal network, which supports cognitive control and executive functions, is heavily involved in this process.

The Stress of Secrecy. During my high school years, I kept a secret about a friend's personal struggle with alcohol. The burden of this secret caused me significant stress and anxiety, manifesting in sleepless nights and a constant sense of unease. The emotional weight of holding onto her secret was emotionally demanding as I didn't know what was best. Should I keep their secret or tell her parents? I rarely saw her parents, so by default I kept her secret until a kind teacher confronted me about her situation.

Emotional Regulation. The limbic network, which integrates emotional information, is involved in processing fear. Serotonin and norepinephrine are the primary neurotransmitters here, helping to manage the emotional weight of the secret. A few years ago, I had to keep a work colleague's health issues a secret from others. The emotional burden of knowing but being unable to share this information was immense, as it required constant emotional regulation to maintain a calm demeanor when, for example, their deliverables were not met.

Conflict Monitoring. Maintaining a secret involves internal conflict, activating the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), which is part of the salience network and helps monitor and resolve conflicts. This internal conflict can be a source of significant mental strain. When I was once offered a job, I had to keep it secret until it was finalized, whch led to internal conflict. I wanted to share the exciting news with friends but had to keep it under wraps as some still worked with me. The struggle between wanting to share and needing to keep quiet highlighted the conflict-monitoring role of the ACC.

Decision Making and Self-Control. The prefrontal cortex, part of the frontoparietal network, is involved in executive functions necessary for deciding to keep or reveal a secret. (Dopamine plays a key role in these decisions.) This area of the brain is crucial for maintaining self-control and managing the temptation to reveal secrets. Again turning to my own experience, deciding whether to keep a colleague's inappropriate comment a secret was a challenge that required significant self-control and decision-making to navigate the ethical implications and potential fallout. This dilemma underscored the role of the prefrontal cortex as I kept the secret.

Social Cognition and Impact on Relationships. Secrets involve social interactions and perceptions, activating networks related to social cognition. The temporo-parietal junction plays a significant role. Neuroception, an automatic, unconscious appraisal of our surroundings to determine if it is safe or hazardous, is influenced by secrets. The vagus nerve is involved and is essential for neuroception. This is the brain's stress reflex as it recognizes safety signals and danger cues.

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The Relief of Sharing Secrets. Sharing secrets, whether with a stranger or a trusted confidant, can be freeing and relieve stress. It leads to a more positive neuropsychological state by increasing oxytocin levels and decreasing the cognitive burden. This aligns with the tradition of confession in the Roman Catholic Church, which fosters value and loyalty within the congregation. This raises intriguing questions, such as: Do keepers of secrets attract others' secrets due to their trustworthiness to take on the burden?

Conclusion

Secrets are information intentionally withheld to avoid repercussions or maintain privacy, and they can have both positive and negative impacts. Understanding the neuropsychological processes underlying secrecy offers valuable insights into how cognition, emotion, and behavior intertwine. By examining how various neural networks and neurotransmitters manage secrets, we gain a deeper understanding of their implications for mental well-being and interpersonal dynamics. Sometimes, a little lie can be the best thing to say. Imagine your partner is going for an interview and asks if you like their new haircut. You don't like it at all, but instead of hurting their feelings, you say you love it to boost their confidence. This lie serves a positive purpose by preserving their self-esteem.

So, what did you lie about today?

Co-author Rista Du Plooy holds a Bachelor's degree in psychology and sociology and an Honours degree in industrial sociology from the University of Pretoria, alongside a Master’s degree in coaching from the University of Stellenbosch. She specializes in coaching and somatic mindfulness therapy, focusing on burnout recovery.