Forgiveness

Are Self-Compassion and Self-Forgiveness the Same Thing?

And why are these ideas important, anyway?

Posted February 8, 2024 | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk

Key points

Self-compassion and self-forgiveness form the foundation for a healthy relationship to self.
Self-compassion leads to greater well-being and psychological wellness.
Self-forgiveness creates resilience and prevents too much self-recrimination.

Self-compassion and self-forgiveness are both foundational to a person's well-being and have over and over transformed my therapy clients' lives. And while the terms are sometimes spoken of together, they are slightly different concepts that help one another.

Self-compassion is the practice of treating oneself with kindness and understanding during times of personal struggle or setback. It involves acknowledging one's pain and imperfections without self-judgment or self-criticism. Self-compassion is based on three core elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Self-kindness means treating one's self gently. Common humanity means understanding that we all make mistakes and that we all go through difficult stretches. And mindfulness means being in the present moment with a struggle. Self-compassion encourages individuals to be as supportive and understanding toward themselves as they would be toward a close friend in a similar situation.

Self-forgiveness focuses specifically on the process of letting go of self-blame and negative emotions associated with personal mistakes, regrets, or transgressions. Contrary to what some believe, self-forgiveness does not mean forgoing responsibility for one’s actions. It simply means that a person can accept responsibility for one's actions, acknowledge the negative impact they may have had, and actively work toward self-acceptance and self-reconciliation. Self-forgiveness enables individuals to avoid endless self-recrimination by believing they are worthy of letting go of lingering shame for wrongdoing.

The Interplay Between Self-Compassion and Self-Forgiveness

Self-compassion and self-forgiveness are interconnected and mutually reinforcing. They are both rooted in gentleness toward oneself, without forgoing accountability. A self-compassionate person who believes in being kind to oneself can respond to wrongdoing with a sense of responsibility but without overwhelming shame. Self-compassion creates the nurturing and nonjudgmental space for individuals to acknowledge their mistakes and shortcomings, promoting self-forgiveness. Self-forgiveness helps cultivate self-compassion by allowing individuals to release self-blame and develop a more accepting and compassionate attitude toward themselves. Together, self-compassion and self-forgiveness provide a foundation for self-growth, resilience, and emotional well-being.

What Does the Research Say?

Both self-compassion and self-forgiveness promote well-being. Self-compassion is linked to reduced levels of anxiety, depression, and stress. Self-compassionate individuals tend to have higher levels of life satisfaction, self-esteem, and overall mental health. They are more likely to use adaptive coping strategies, such as seeking social support, problem-solving, and self-reflection, contributing to greater resilience. Meanwhile, self-forgiveness promotes emotional healing and personal growth and has been associated with decreased levels of depression, anxiety, and hostility. It is linked to increased life satisfaction, subjective well-being, and positive affect while enhancing interpersonal relationships by reducing anger, promoting empathy, and fostering forgiveness toward others.

Building self-compassion and practicing self-forgiveness, when done in conjunction with one another, help a person form the foundation of a healthy relationship with oneself. And, from there, other relationships begin to flourish.

References

Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223–250.

Breines, J. G., & Chen, S. (2012). Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(9), 1133–1143.

Karremans, J. C., Van Lange, P. A., Ouwerkerk, J. W., & Kluwer, E. S. (2015). When forgiving enhances psychological well-being: The role of interpersonal commitment. Journal of Happiness Studies, 16(3), 661–677.

Tangney, J. P., Boone, A. L., & Dearing, R. L. (2005). Forgiving the self: Conceptual issues and empirical findings. In E. L. Worthington Jr. (Ed.), Handbook of Forgiveness (pp. 143–158). Routledge.

Toussaint, L., Williams, D. R., Musick, M. A., & Everson, S. A. (2016). Forgiveness and Health: Scientific Evidence and Theories Relating Forgiveness to Better Health. Springer.

Witvliet, C. V., Ludwig, T. E., & Vander Laan, K. L. (2008). Granting forgiveness or harboring grudges: Implications for emotion, physiology, and health. Psychological Science, 19(12), 1176–1185.

Neff, K. D., & Dahm, K. A. (2015). Self-compassion: What it is, what it does, and how it relates to mindfulness. In M. Robinson, B. Meier, & B. Ostafin (Eds.), Mindfulness and Self-Regulation (pp. 121–140). Springer.

Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28–44.

Zimmermann, J., Finstad, G. L., & Ventura, A. K. (2020). Examining the association between self-compassion, perceived stress, and resilience in college students. Journal of American College Health, 68(2), 153–160.