Recognizing Everyday Spiritual Narcissism

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Spiritual narcissism has been defined as "individuals who use their spirituality or religious beliefs as a means of gaining power, control, and admiration from others."¹ It is similar to other types of narcissism nested within a set of beliefs, a spiritual ideology. Sometimes, their behavior is to acquire wealth or material gain for the group or community they are leading, claiming to do what they do “for the good of all” (called communal narcissism). Other times they exhibit a pattern of behavior to gain the attention and admiration of others.

Everyday spiritual narcissism, also referred to as guru complex or spiritual superiority, is more subtle to detect than the behaviors of a known cult leader, such as Jim Jones. Their behavior may cause unease that is hard to name and may go under-detected in everyday places. On a spectrum, spiritual narcissism can be found in many places, such as churches, schools, meditation groups, recovery programs, healthcare, activist organizations, the workplace, politics, and friend groups.

At the Behavioral Science Institute in the Netherlands, Drs. Vonk and Visser designed a measure to empirically capture levels of spiritual superiority as they studied the paradox of doing spiritual work to better manage ego. They found spiritual practices can enhance a healthy sense of self, but can also, for some, lead to feelings of specialness and spiritual superiority. The researchers asked people how much they believed things such as: “I am aware of things that others are not aware of,” and “I am more aware of what is between heaven and earth than most people,” and “The world would be a better place if others too had the insights that I have now.”²

Here are 12 other hallmarks of spiritual narcissism (regardless of gender)

1. A constant need for admiration and recognition as being very important.
2. Feeling threatened by anyone else receiving praise.
3. A lack of humility in how they serve others, despite using spiritually insightful language.
4. Jealousy of others' authentic relationships and attempts to appropriate or split apart others' relationships.
5. Baffled when people are upset by their self-centered behaviors.
6. Grandiose ideas and exaggerations of achievements that they believe will bring them more praise
7. Fostering dependence of those around them to believe they need them in a place of authority.
8. Claims that others’ skills or ideas are attributes they themselves possess.
9. Name-dropping who they associate with to demonstrate their own importance.
10. A pattern of justification for manipulating others or disregard for others because of their larger vision.
11. An expectation of not taking personal responsibility for their mistakes and going to great lengths to maneuver around taking responsibility.
12. Inability or unwillingness to recognize others’ feelings or needs while consumed with how they are personally impacted.

Individuals with these traits are often unaware of their own deep-seated insecurity. They surround themselves with people who defer to them for answers, make excuses for them, and defend them at all costs. Without the willingness to face their own flaws, there is no change or growth. When challenged with truths, the ego fiercely defends their fragile self-concept. They may either withdraw when they are likely to fail or attack with full force to try to gain control of others. They can also become emotionally labile and accuse others of betrayal, all while appearing fragile and wounded. Faux humility can accompany their lack of true empathy and further protect them from taking responsibility.

Identifying spiritual narcissism can be especially challenging because, by its nature, it is shrouded within an ideology that in and of itself may be fine. All the words are being said, but rather than empowering others, the ideology is used to boost personal esteem of the leader and shield them from personal responsibility.

These questions can help you identify spiritual narcissism and thus free yourself from it

1. Review the list above and talk to someone you trust about it—someone who is not a follower of the leader in question.
2. More importantly, check in with yourself. How do you feel when you're around them? Do you feel empowered, encouraged to think for yourself; or less than, not good enough, haggard, deflated, or with the sense you should aspire to be like them?
3. Does the leader in question value and trust your ideas, opinions, and inherent wisdom? This should be experienced in their behavior, not just by their words.
4. Do they behave in ways that are more concerned about doing what is best for each person or about their own reputation?
5. Does your inner voice tell you that they are actually self-aware or just claim to be so?
6. Do they listen deeply or simply state that they listen deeply?
7. Does their presentation feel grounded to you, or more like a performance?
8. Do they have good boundaries, offer support, have appropriate empathy, spiritual and emotional maturity? (See qualities of emotionally mature adults as they overlap with spiritual maturity.)