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Body Image
7 Strategies to Shut Down Body Shaming From Family Members
Try one of these methods to redirect hurtful body talk.
Posted December 20, 2018 Reviewed by Ekua Hagan
Family gatherings can bring joy and connection. But for too many, tensions arise when family members make subtle (or not so subtle!) body-shaming comments or comments that promote an unhealthy relationship with food. Body shame isn’t good for anyone. Feeling ashamed of your body can make it harder to engage in healthy habits and even prompt eating disordered behaviors. It’s also linked to depression. On top of that, when family members (or others) make body-shaming comments, they promote an obsession with body size and shape, and reinforce the idea that our worth should be determined by what we see in the mirror.
If you have family members prone to this kind of body talk, here are a few strategies for kind ways to redirect these conversations. Try one out and see how it goes. It’s never too late to create healthier family dynamics when it comes to body image.
Strategy 1 - Ignore it and change the topic.
Family member: “Oh, have you put on weight since I’ve seen you last?”
You: “Auntie! It’s good to see you again. What have you been up to since we last talked?”
Strategy 2 - Use an “I statement” followed by a topic change.
Family member: “Have you tried that diet that I told you about? I don’t know what you’re waiting for.”
You: “Dad, it’s sweet that you want to help me. But I find that I’m better able to take care of my health when I don’t focus on diets. Have I told you about the new project I took on at work?”
Strategy 3 - Ask for help.
Family member: “Ugh. Look at my arm jiggle! You’re gonna get it too, genetics are fate!”
You: “Oh, Mom – I forgot to tell you. I made a commitment to do my best to think about my body with compassion and kindness. Comments like that can get me off track. Do you want to join me? I’d love it if we could work together to build some body positivity.”
Strategy 4 - Bring your kid into it.
Family member: “Woah! Look at how much weight he’s gained. Must be at least twenty pounds!”
You: “Uncle, I’ve been trying to teach my kids that what matters most about people is who they are, not how they look. So we don’t allow comments like that in our house. Maybe you could help me by trying to avoid them when we’re together?”
Strategy 5 - Be honest and focus on your feelings.
Family member: “You know, that dress really isn’t flattering to your body shape.”
You: “I find comments like that really hurtful. They make it hard for me to spend time with you. I want us all to enjoy this visit as much as possible. Could you please stop talking about how I look? I love you so much and I don’t want this pattern to come between us.”
Strategy 6 - Science!
Family member: “Should you be eating those cookies? They look like they’re packed with calories. If I were you, I’d avoid the sweets.”
You: “Did you know that researchers have found that when you deprive yourself of foods you love, that can end up prompting eating disordered behavior like bingeing and purging?”
If things get too bad and you find that a family member’s body comments are a significant challenge to your well-being or a family member hasn’t responded to any of the above strategies, it might be time for something more serious.
Strategy 7 - Behavior modification.
Family member: "I just don’t understand why you’re not skinny like your sister."
You: "We’ve talked about this before. It’s not okay to make those kinds of comments to me. I want to spend time with you, but I also need to take care of my mental health. If you keep making comments like that, I’m not going to be able to visit any more until you decide you can stop. Can you do that for me? Can you stop making comments like that?"
Remember that your family members may think they have your best interests at heart when they make these types of comments. Or they may be projecting their own body image struggles onto you. A little compassion combined with a clear statement of your position on body shaming can go a long way.
