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Key points
- Your brain's job is not to make you happy but to help you survive.
- Experiencing anxiety and dissatisfaction serves essential evolutionary functions.
- Loneliness has a mortality risk comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes per day.
If you could grant your loved ones a single wish, what would it be?
My wish would be for my loved ones to be happy. On the surface, this answer may sound cliché, but it has a deeper meaning. It implies that happiness can be hard to come by.
Some forces make happiness elusive. From an evolutionary standpoint, your brain's job is not to make you happy but to help you survive and reproduce. Your brain is wired to look into the future for potential threats. Our ancestors lived in a harsh environment where they were hunted by lions and other predators.
Even though our environment has changed dramatically, evolution happens at a snail's pace. Your brain has new threats to worry about, such as your job security, the well-being of your loved ones, and what others think of you. Anticipating negative outcomes is a recipe for anxiety, not happiness.
In addition, we are not wired to be satisfied with what we have. A state of contentment is discouraged by nature because it does not promote survival and reproduction. For our ancestors who lived on the edge, losing even a few resources jeopardized their existence. Hence, a scarcity mentality served our ancestors by motivating them to accumulate more resources to survive barren periods.
Finally, social comparisons serve an evolutionary purpose. They can motivate you to keep up and fit in with peers. Studies show we generally compare ourselves to those who are better than us in some way, even if such comparisons come at a cost to our self-esteem and mood.
Social media has hijacked our tendency to engage in social comparisons. With the scroll of your finger, you can compare your real life to a stream of idealized lives on your screen. Evidence shows that social comparisons in social media, more often than not, lead to a decrease in self-esteem and a worsening of mental health.
Finding happiness takes intentional effort because you are competing against strong evolutionary pressures that are amplified by technological advances. Putting your happiness on hold until the conditions are ideal is risky because that day may never come. Your brain is wired to look for the worst-case scenario and latch onto it.
Even if you achieve a desired outcome, such as a job promotion or pay raise, it is only a matter of time before your brain is no longer satisfied and seeking more.
Here are some evidence-based practices to help you fend off evolutionary pressures and experience more happiness in your daily life.
1. Set boundaries with social media.
Despite its utility, social media can pose a threat to your mental health. Set boundaries with social media by establishing firm time limits. As a personal example, I leave my phone in the mudroom when I arrive home from work. Not having my phone on me helps me be more present with loved ones by reducing distractions and the urge to check it.
2. Connection.
The proliferation of social media has not offset the epidemic of loneliness. According to a national survey, 58 percent of participants reported feeling lonely consistently. Loneliness comes at a grave risk to your physical health, with a mortality risk comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes per day, according to Harvard Magazine. It can also come at a cost to your emotional health.
A good starting point to create new relationships is finding people with similar interests. Identify groups that practice your interests. For example, you could join a hiking group, a photography group, or a yoga studio. The shared interest can be the catalyst for the cultivation of new relationships. Even if these relationships only revolve around shared activity, they improve your quality of life.
3. Be present.
We spend 47 percent of our waking hours thinking about something other than the present moment. Thinking about the future can reduce your overall happiness, even if you are thinking about something positive.
As an example, imagine fantasizing about an upcoming spring break trip to a sunny destination while completing dull house chores on a dreary winter day. Fantasizing about the future can elicit negative feelings because it highlights the gap between your reality and where you wish you could be. You are more likely to experience happiness by focusing on the present moment and making the most of it.
4. Be creative.
Life can feel mundane when you are stuck in an endless cycle of work and home responsibilities. Evidence shows that engaging in creative activities can reduce anxiety and improve mood. Examples include expressive writing, dancing, being artistic, and playing music. One of the reasons I write posts is because it serves as a creative outlet. I start with a blank sheet of paper and play with words to create something hopefully helpful for you.
Try to schedule time for being creative. Adding another thing to your crammed to-do list may sound overwhelming. However, dedicating even a small chunk of time to creative activities can increase your happiness by adding variety and pleasure to your life.
5. Spend time in nature.
There is something soothing and energizing about spending time in nature. It is awe-inspiring to be exposed to nature's innate grandeur, majesty, and beauty. Reflecting on its properties and allowing your senses to be bathed by its sounds, smells, and sights can enhance your happiness by adding a necessary dose of perspective. In the grand scheme of things, each one of us is a tiny speck. We might as well make the best of our limited time on this earth and appreciate the miracle of existence.
In summary, happiness does not come naturally to our archaic brains. Being intentional in your pursuit of happiness can make it a more consistent part of your daily life.
