Navigating Depression and Anxiety in Perilous Times

Source: Andrew Malone, CC BY 2.0/Wikimedia Commons

As I make my way through the holidays with a mixture of sadness and joy, lethargy and agitation, I am noting what things keep my spirits as bright as they can be. Take a look at my list, and see what resonates for you this year:

1. Advice: Seek it out. Listen to it. If it makes me cry with relief, take it.
2. Bravery: This is often a series of small steps. I can usually take one small step.
3. Compassion: Means to “suffer with.” I need to acknowledge my suffering occasionally.
4. Desire: What small thing do I really want to do? Is it legal, kind, fair, and safe? If so, do it.
5. Energy: Observe my cat, dog, or child. Note how they replenish energy by sleeping, moving, and eating. Imitate them. Note to self: excessive Christmas cookies and candy make me tired. Really tired. And excessive booze makes me more depressed the next day.
6. Friends: Let them in. Tell my best friends when I’m sad, worried, fatigued, scared. If they give advice, see Number 1 above. If they offer help, take it, and remember that receiving love is as important as giving it.
7. Gratitude: It really does help. Spend a minute every day thinking of something that warms my heart. Little things or big. Write it down, share it on social media, say “Thank you” to the universe.
8. Hiccups: Annoyances like hiccups do pass. They come, and they go. They are outside our control. Kids think they are funny. Kids are right.
9. Initiative: Sometimes, it’s hard to have any, especially when it’s dark and cold outside. Assess if lack thereof is temporary—I really do need to take a mental health day and rest—or problematic. I need to listen to my inner self. (See Number 3 above.)
10. Jokes: Focus on finding a new one by googling comics, calling the friend who always has one, or writing one in the tried-and-true formats (A dog walks into a bar…A rabbi, a priest, and a minister…)
11. Kicks: Practice being a Rockette. Or MC Hammer.
12. Laugh-Yoga: Google it if I don’t quite remember how to do it. It’s goofy. I give myself over to it for ten minutes.
13. Mess: Take 15 minutes and put stuff away, even if it’s just into a closet or box. Chaos creates stress; open space opens my mind and heart.
14. Negative Self-Talk: Do that basic cognitive behavior therapy exercise. Rephrase “I failed” to “I tried something hard,” or “I’m fat,” to “I literally need to get away from those Christmas cookies by walking around the block.”
15. Opening: Create one. Let fresh air in—literally. Breathe deeply. Invite someone over. Think about a new endeavor—learning, making, joining, foregoing—and how I might go about it. If you lack initiative, see Number 9 and Number 3, above.
16. Paint: My nails. A rock. A room. Experiment with color. Observe something become more vibrant.
17. Quilling: As with Number 16, the process of rolling narrow strips of paper into shapes can involve color, vibrance, and focus. The movement of wrapping the strips around a toothpick is meditative. The results—literally and symbolically—are restful and joyful simultaneously. Plus, I like upcycling colorful Christmas card envelopes.
18. Reading Material: Read something fun and indulgent. For me, chick-lit or a favorite poem, a cookbook or travel guide, the comics, or outlandish but not-scary click-bait newsfeeds.
19. Shower: Hot water, scented soap, warm towel.
20. Tedium: Yes, bore me. Fold laundry or iron, wash dishes, sweep or vacuum, memorize a poem, prayer, or password, organize cupboards, cut vegetables for soup. Remember the pleasure in accomplishment and the rest inherent in rote tasks.
21. Underwear: Get rid of the old, the tight, the loose, the faded-to-gray, the weak elastic, the unraveling. Let myself feel “worth it,” as Catherine Deneuve used to drawl when pitching Camay soap. And remember that it is nice to have an orderly bureau drawer rather than one that explodes every time I open it.
22. Vitality: What makes me feel most alive? Making a snow angel. Running. Sex. Do any or all those things.
23. Wander: Stroll. Figuratively, daydream.
24. X-ray: Scan my body, noting every bone and muscle. Also, examine my heart: what’s going on in there? I focus powerful light on my spirit. I ask what joys and troubles I am carrying. Be a good radiologist, and read the x-ray slowly, carefully, neutrally. Make recommendations for health and healing.
25. Yakking: Call someone. A friend to catch up with, a lonely elder to lift and be lifted, a relative to reminisce.
26. Zest: Grate the skin of citrus fruit for aromatherapy. Or deliberately go through my memory of things that perk me up: my first villanelle. A walk in any city with my husband. Public speaking engagements. Art projects. Wednesday morning prayer group. Hopscotch, jump rope, skipping, sledding, bicycling, writing.

That’s my current alphabetical list of things (all nouns) that are helping me beat the blues these darkest, longest days of winter. If you are feeling bleak, I encourage you to work your way through my list–or, more radically, make your own alphabetical list of things that help you stay engaged and active in life. Take your time. Be concrete. Be realistic. And then do the things on your list, one by one, with deliberation.

Writing a list helps us plan and control the anxiety and sadness we all feel when life feels uncertain and lacks meaning. Doing the things on our list contributes to our sense of control by providing purpose, accomplishment (don’t make the things on the list too hard), and significance. It’s even fun to work our way through the alphabet: 26 ideas, 26 actions, 26 achievements. Go for it.

Source: Delamotte, F., vectorized & restored by JovanCormac, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons