PT Bookshelf

No Two Alike: Human Nature and Human Individuality

By Judith Rich Harris (W.W. Norton)

The evil twin conundrum may be solved. Or at least, the question of why identical twins raised together nonetheless differ immensely in personality traits. Forget the familial environment and factors such as birth order, says independent scholar Judith Rich Harris. She argues that our personalities are sculpted by the actions of our peers, who shape the way we see ourselves, which in turn molds our behavior. If you make your second-grade class laugh, you'll pin your self-image on that success and try to do it again and again. If your peers see you as a leader, you'll grow into that role. (We tend to discount our parents' opinions of us because they aren't germane to our generation, Harris has famously—and controversially—argued.) A unique personality evolves in response to such random but powerful interpersonal exchanges. If Harris' pioneering theory is correct, then the adage about getting ahead holds: It really is who you know. But more importantly, it's what you believe they think of you that really matters.

Secret Girl

By Molly Bruce Jacobs (St. Martin's Press)

A missing relative can shape family dynamics more forcefully than one who is present. Jacobs' memoir concerns Anne, the mentally retarded sister she did not know existed until the age of 13. Anne lived in an institution, but her ghost haunted Jacobs' cold and fussy childhood home. When they finally meet, Jacobs, at 38, is no stranger to Anne's way of life, having been sent to boarding school and then to multiple rehab centers. Just as her parents grappled with their decision to forsake Anne, Jacobs, too, must weigh her responsibilities to her newly beloved sister.

You Don't Have to Take It Anymore: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One

By Steven Stosny, Ph.D. (Free Press)

Anger is a difficult beast to tame, especially when it afflicts a close relationship with resentment, aggression and violence. Rather than mandate self-control, relaxation or stress reduction, Stosny prescribes compassion—the ticket to mutual respect, lasting love and a renewed relationship. His insights into the source of anger and his recommendations for addressing hostile relationships are designed to help heal the open wounds aggravated by anxiety and self-doubt—and to help couples to conquer resentment by establishing a stronger sense of self.

This Changes Everything: The Relational Revolution in Psychology

By Christina Robb (FSG)

The "this" changing everything, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Robb contends, is the revolutionary founding of relationship-based psychology. The legacy of Freud was internally focused psychology, which did a poor job of addressing the liberated woman or the relationships she had. Landmarks such as Carol Gilligan's In a Different Voice sought to shift that focus. In a one-two punch, Robb captures the historical background of relational theory and then explains how to put it to use: by cultivating a sense of self as an essentially social being.

Help at Any Cost: How the Troubled-Teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Kids

By Maia Szalavitz (Riverhead)

An alarming exposé of the burgeoning business of boot camps and drug rehab centers that promise to reform troubled teens. Often sadistic and rarely successful, many of these programs are very similar to cults, relying on humiliation, isolation, brainwashing and other maltreatment, Szalavitz, a journalist and PT contributor, reports. These institutions, which perversely tend to punish conscientious kids and foster sociopaths, remain popular despite high failure rates and frequent scandals. Szalavitz points to panicky parents, a cultural fear of teens and the lack of alternatives. A meticulously reported and thoughtful investigation.

The Myth of Self-Esteem: How Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy Can Change Your Life Forever

By Albert Ellis (Prometheus Books)

Don't let the title fool you. In The Myth of Self-Esteem, 92-year-old Albert Ellis, the legendary founder of cognitive behavior therapy, summarizes his life's work. It is a stimulating examination of how the teachings of the world's greatest thinkers and philosophers dovetail (or don't) with Ellis' three core concepts: unconditional acceptance of the self, others and the world. From Jesus' injunction to turn the other cheek ("other acceptance") to Sartre's approach to shame, which smacks of radical self-acceptance, Ellis dissects paradigm-shattering philosophers with an eye toward his own work. The two are never exactly aligned, but the differences are often illuminating. The book, which includes multiple self-acceptance exercises, may be among his best: Every page offers a fresh insight into rational emotive behavior therapy, Ellis' doctrine of modern Stoicism.