Advice: She Has Doubts

In Black and White

I am a white female dating a black male. This a big issue with my
family and friends. I really love him but I have some doubts. He's been
on drugs, sold drugs, and been in jail. He can't find a job because of this. He makes me feel special like no one has ever made me feel. What do I do?

Run as fast as you can as far as you can. Not because of the racial
difference. But because he is manifestly unsuitable as a mate. Yes, lots
of people get past addictions to lead stable and productive lives. You
want to hook up with them, if at all, during the stable part of their
lives, when the drugs are far behind them and they have found far more
incentives to stay sober than to be high. Someone who's been deeply
involved in drugs to warrant a prison term is too embedded in the
lifestyle to undergo a miracle makeover. Only time will tell, but the
fact that he can't find a job makes drug life all that more alluring.
Ponder these questions: Exactly what is he doing to put distance between
himself and his former life? Does he spend any time in healthy and
rewarding activities? What safeguards has he placed in his life to keep
him from going back on drugs when something goes wrong or he goes without
a job for longer than he'd like? Is he involved only with friends who are
supportive of his best habits, not his worst? And while you're at it, ask
yourself what he does to make you feel so special? Too often, a woman
feels special because her mate gets jealous easily and his possessiveness
makes her feel unusually attractive or desirable. If that's making you
feel special, run even faster, because it quickly becomes its own kind of
prison; its source is his dependency and insecurity, not admiration for
you. What you want is a
relationship that's special, one founded on health,
mutual trust and supportiveness.