Ask Dr. E

Answers to your questions about bipolar disorder, relationships,
dementia andmore.

Dear Dr. E,

I just found out that my 13-year-old son might be suffering from
bipolar disorder. Before we just thought he was "bad." Can you tell me
more about this disorder?

L, via e-mail

Dear L,

Formerly known as manic-depressive illness, bipolar disorder
involves shifts in mood from mania (a frenzied, elevated state) to deep
depression (a sad, hopeless, sometimes suicidal state). Until recently
bipolar disorder was thought to be mainly an adult condition, but there's
a growing consensus among clinicians that it's also found in
children--perhaps often mistaken for attention deficit disorder. What's
more, recent research suggests that child sufferers might shift more
abruptly than adults might and may be less likely to experience normal,
healthy mood states. To take a new online screening test for bipolar
disorder, visit www.ndmda.org.

Dear Dr. E,

I'm a lesbian and have been living with the same woman for 10
years. I'm starting to get very bored with things and am growing
impatient with the complaints she has about me. We've tried counseling,
but I'm reluctant to try more. I told my partner that she should stop
saying nasty things about me or get out. Is that the right thing to
say?

M, Akron, OH

Dear M,

You've raised several concerns about your partner's complaints. All
relationships have ups and downs, and all require work and sacrifice. If
you're dissatisfied with the relationship and unwilling to work on it,
maybe you're the one who should get out. If you want things to work, get
back into counseling and share the burden of working things through with
your partner.

Dear Dr. E,

My older sister is 25 and spends her time hating life, her work
day, her friends, not having friends and just about everything under the
sun that rolls off most people's backs. She drinks to hide her
depression, and she's been hospitalized several times. How can I help
her?

K, New York

Dear K,

Your sister could probably benefit from professional help, but
there's no way you can force her to get it. Read up on depression, and
send her information about treatment alternatives. The National
Depressive and Manic Depressive Association (www.ndmda.org) can get you
started. Most important of all, keep in close touch with your sister, and
let her know that you love her and are ready to assist her in any way you
can. When that day comes, when she reaches out, make sure you're at her
side.

Dear Dr. E,

How can I get help for my dad? He becomes violent at times and
won't admit that there's anything wrong with him. We think he might be
suffering from some form of dementia.

J, via e-mail

Dear J,

Your father might be experiencing an early stage of Alzheimer's
disease, although aggression can also be caused by brain injury,
infection and other causes. A recent book called Elder Rage by Jacqueline
Marcell might help you get the right assistance for your dad. You can
also get basic information on Alzheimer's at Web sites such as
www.alz.org and www.alzheimers.org.

Dear Dr. E,

After a heated argument with a male friend, he said I was passive
aggressive. What does this mean, and could it be that I am?

M, Bridgeport, CT

Dear M,

If you normally deal with conflict through heated argumentation,
you're probably not passive aggressive. This term is sometimes used to
describe people who express hostile feelings in subtle, nonhostile ways.
For example, if you were angry with your friend and he asked you to pass
the salt, a passive-aggressive response would be to smile pleasantly, say
"Certainly!" and then place the salt shaker just out of his reach. Some
people who behave this way routinely have difficulties expressing their
feelings, which can be a serious impediment in relationships.

Dear Dr. E,

I just received some disturbing letters from my mother-in-law, who
lives far away from me. She writes that her neighbor is trying to hurt
her, but the letters seem very bizarre. Can you advise me?

C, via e-mail

Dear C,

If your mother-in-law is elderly, she might be delusional. More
than 4 million Americans have Alzheimer's disease, and the numbers are
increasing rapidly as our population ages. On the other hand,
unscrupulous individuals often prey upon the frailty of elderly people.
There's no way to sort this out unless you get on an airplane. Either
way, she needs your help.

PHOTO (COLOR): Approximately 20 percent of all patients with
bipolar disorder have their first episode during adolescence.