Has Something in Your Life Been Dragging You Down?

Source: Pierre Olivier Joseph Coomans, Public Domain/Wikimedia Commons

If you’ve been feeling tired and run down, something in your life may be draining your energy. Energy drains are situations and relationships that pull you away from your own needs and objectives. They can undermine your ability to flourish (Seligman, 2011), to experience what positive psychologists call PERMA: positive emotions, engagement, positive relationships, meaning, and accomplishment.

Do any of these common energy drains sound familiar?

1. Emotional Drains. Worry about the future, dwelling on negative events in the past, and the nagging voice of your inner critic that tells you you’re “not good enough”—the opposite of the positive emotions that help us flourish (Fredrickson, 2003). These emotional drains can become habits, running constantly through our minds.

To break the habit, stop, take a deep, mindful breath, and ask yourself:

• How do I feel?
• What do I need?
• What can I do?

Turn that energy drain into positive action. If you’ve been worrying, think of one way to deal with the potential problem and take action. If you’ve been dwelling on a negative past experience, think of what you’ve learned and what you’ll do differently next time. If you’re being nagged by the inner critic, shift your energies with this HeartMath technique:

• Breathe slowly and deeply.
• Focus on your heart.
• Recall a positive experience, a loving person, or pet.
• Breathe in feelings of appreciation for this positive memory.
• Feel yourself filled with more positive feelings that can help you discover new possibilities (Childre, Martin, Rozman, & McCraty, 2016).

2. Physical Drains. Our energy can be drained when we neglect our physical needs. Here are some common physical energy drains.

• Sleep debt. Chronic sleep deprivation not only drains our energy but can also undermine our physical and emotional health (Altevogt & Colten, 2006). Research shows that 1 in 3 Americans sleeps less than the recommended minimum of seven hours per night (Suni & Truong, 2022).

How much sleep do you get? You can practice better sleep hygiene with a calming bedroom environment, regular exercise, a consistent sleep schedule, avoiding caffeine in the afternoon or evening, and unplugging from electronics for at least 30 minutes before going to bed to wind down (Suni & Vyas, 2022).

• Lack of exercise. Regular exercise increases our energy, boosts our mood, and improves our health. The Mayo Clinic (2022) recommends at least 150 minutes a week of moderate aerobic activity. That’s only two and a half hours, which can mean two trips to the gym or a half-hour walk five days a week.

How much regular exercise do you get? If you need more exercise, how can you build it into your life?

• Excessive sitting. Even sitting too much can drain our energy and compromise our health (Dreher, 2014). Research has linked prolonged sitting with anxiety, depression, cardiovascular disease, obesity, inflammation, cancer, and Type 2 diabetes (Thorp et al., 2011). Our bodies were not made to sit for hours a day at our computers, in our cars, or in front of the TV. Even if we exercise regularly, we need to get up and move around at least every 90 minutes.

How much do you sit during the day? Can you take brief breaks to stand up and stretch or walk around before another period of sitting?

• Unhealthy diet. A healthy diet balances fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, with protein from fat-free or low-fat milk products, seafood, lean meat, poultry, eggs, beans, nuts, and seeds. This diet is low in salt, sugar, saturated and trans fats (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2021).

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How healthy is your diet? Do you get enough fruits and vegetables or do you load up on fast food and sweets? Advice to improve your diet is available at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

3. Unfinished Business. Unfinished tasks drain our energy by taking up attentional space in our minds. Psychologists call this the Zeigarnik effect, describing how the tension from uncompleted tasks remains in our memory (MacLeod, 2020). Some examples of unfinished business (UB) could be making that call you’ve been putting off, taking your car in for service, or fixing the broken light in the garage.

How do you deal with unfinished business? One way is to list the UBs and write down an action for each. Put these actions on your calendar and complete these actions one at a time, checking them off the list. Notice how relieved you feel when you reclaim your energy from the nagging UBs.

4. Negative Relationships. Do you feel emotionally exhausted after spending time with someone you know? Draining relationships like this are the opposite of the positive relationships that help us flourish (Fredrickson, 2013). Energy-draining people can be chronic complainers who get emotional relief from dumping their problems on us.

Is there someone like this in your life? If that person’s problem is serious, you could suggest that they get professional help. If it’s really urgent, call 911. But if they’re a chronic complainer, using you to dump their emotional garbage, you don’t have to be their trash can. Even if that person is a co-worker or relative, start setting boundaries. Limit your time and exposure to them. You have a choice about who you relate to and how you spend your time.

How to Boost Your Energy. To flourish, we need to do more than simply eliminate the energy drains in our lives. If your days have been feeling like one obligation after another with no fun, no joy, and nothing to look forward to, you can cultivate greater positive energy by practicing what the Hopeful Cities Project (iFred 2022) calls “Happiness Habits.” These habits include having a positive morning routine, learning new things, spending time in nature, singing, dancing, playing a musical instrument, spending time with friends, laughing, expressing gratitude, playing with a pet, volunteering for a cause you believe in, listening to inspirational music, feeling a sense of awe, and affirming your faith.

What is one new habit that can bring greater joy to your life?

This post is for informational purposes and should not substitute for psychotherapy with a qualified professional.

© Diane Dreher, Ph.D., 2022. All rights reserved.