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If there is any word that sums up our current collective experience, it’s “uncertain.”
Sure, there are others you could use: "terrifying," "depressing," and "isolating" are just a few examples. Some people might take a more positive spin and describe this time as affirming, peaceful, or a relief as they finally get some time to rest and refocus on the things that are most important to them. But no matter how you view it, we are all navigating through uncertain waters right now: how long this crisis will last, how many of us it will impact, what the world will look like when it’s over are just some of the uncertainties we are facing.
While the current situation is a clear and present concern, the reality is all of our lives exist in tension with uncertainty. We are often lulled into complacency, thinking things are great and will be so forever; or thinking things are terrible, and that’s just my lot in life. Neither of these perspectives is necessarily accurate. But there is comfort in familiarity, which is why it’s so easy to hang onto whatever dominant narrative we have created for our lives. Even when everything else seems out of control, I can control the story that I tell myself.
What we are all dealing with, right now, is a massive amount of change. The world has changed, in ways we don’t fully understand yet. Our work has changed, including for many people, lost jobs and security for the future, and for others, the ways in which we show up and do work every day. Our lives have changed, constricted into our homes and impacting the ways in which we seek out and build relationships. And there’s great uncertainty about how long this will last. Many people are using the term “our new normal.” But is it? Or is this a temporary normal, which will change again into another new normal in a few months? We don’t have the answers, and we won’t until we get there. And even then, it may not be completely clear.
Change, no matter how big or small, can be hard. The organizational consultant William Bridges has described the change process as involving three critical stages. Endings require you to let go of what has become familiar and comfortable. The neutral zone, in between endings and beginnings, can be both freeing but also a little scary, as you no longer are tied down to the past reality that you knew, and have yet to attach yourself to a new one. Finally, you reach a new beginning and must adapt to a new place with new norms and rules for behavior. You can imagine this process like a jump off a high dive: The ending requires you to make that leap, and let go of the comfort and familiarity of that diving board; the neutral zone is that time you spend in free-fall through the air; and the new beginning happens when you enter the water, your new normal.
Our progress through these stages is deeply personal. While I may race through to get to a new beginning as quickly as possible, excited about the new place, you may hang out for a bit in the neutral zone, resisting the urge to adapt and conform to new rules, and enjoying the freedom that comes with being unattached to anything. At the same time, someone else may be clinging for dear life to that ending, not wanting to let go, fearful and anxious about what’s to come.
Additionally, it’s important to recognize and acknowledge what your emotions are around this point of transition. As Bridges notes, change is about external events or situations. Transition, on the other hand, “is the inner psychological process that people go through as they internalize and come to terms with the new situation that the change brings about.” Whether organizationally or individually, you can’t manage change effectively unless you acknowledge and address what you go through during transition.
The psychologists Don Kelley and Darryl Connor created what they called the Emotional Cycle of Change, which describes the journey that each individual completes during any sort of change process. One moves from a state of uninformed optimism (I don’t know what I don’t know, but I’m sure everything is going to be fine); to informed pessimism (Wait, what’s happening? This is absolutely terrible and is never going to work!); to informed optimism (Alright, this isn’t completely terrible, and I have some new strategies to work through this); to acceptance (This is where we are now, so let’s all work together to make it great).
Note that acceptance doesn’t mean being Pollyanna about it. It means getting to a place where the glass isn’t necessarily half-full or half-empty. It’s taking personal responsibility for how much water you choose to pour in the glass.
Change is hard; proceed with intention. As you go through this season of uncertainty and instability, take note of some tips to navigate both the change and the transition you are experiencing:
- Resist the “shoulds.” It can be easy in this age of social media to feel like everyone else has things figured out, so you should have it figured out, too. First of all, everyone else doesn’t have it all figured out, I can promise you that. And, who cares if they do? Your life is about you, not about anyone else. Whatever stage you are in – ending, neutral zone, new beginning – that is exactly where you are supposed to be. Don’t try to move through the process too quickly just because you feel like that’s what you “should” do. You shouldn’t.
Ask yourself: Which stage am I in right now? What do I need to let go of, to move forward? What will I need to accept as part of my new beginning?
- Spend time in reflection. Times of change and uncertainty can spur us to action, sometimes unnecessarily so. This is a great opportunity to hit pause, to take a breath, to reflect on what you are feeling. What are your emotions around this change, and why? Where are you in that Emotional Cycle of Change? What are you learning about yourself and others in this moment? This will not be the last change you will go through. How can you best learn from this moment, to be more prepared for the next one?
Ask yourself: What strategies have worked for me in the past when going through a major change process? How could I effectively use those strategies now?
- Control what you can. This present moment in particular is a great reminder that there are many things that happen during times of change that are out of our control. We can’t control the behavior of our government or our neighbors. We can elect new representatives in the future and control our own choices. In times of crisis, it can be tempting to focus on all of the ways that our lives seem to be spinning out of control. Today, identify one thing that you can control and focus on that. It might be as simple as, today, I can control taking breaks to breathe. Or, today, I can choose to step away from social media. Or, today, I can update my resume. Break it down into small parts, and control what you can.
Ask yourself: What is one step that I can take today to control my current experience? What am I trying to control that I need to let go of?
- Seek out support. Finally, and most importantly, none of us has to, nor should, go through these times of change and uncertainty alone. Especially when we are working to socially distance ourselves, it is more important than ever to maintain healthy connections and relationships, to ask for help and guidance when you need it, and to offer it to others who you think may need a helping hand. Seek out professional counseling if you need it. Remember: In this time of focusing on your physical health, it is just as important to focus on your mental health, too.
Ask yourself: What is one action I can take today to feel more socially connected? What resources do I need to seek out to support my wellbeing?
