Passion for a Politically Dissimilar Partner: Can It Work?

Source: Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay

Most people don’t mix love and politics. Separating electoral ideology from social life is especially important when getting to know potential paramours. But when the topic of politics comes up, as it probably will at some point, how does personal persuasion impact a potential relationship? Apparently, the quality of cross-party romance depends on more than party affiliation. Research explains.

The Cross-Party Partner

Amie M. Gordon et al. (2024) studied the impact of political dissimilarity on romantic relationships.[i] They note that political polarization has increased in significance over the years, potentially impacting future generations through what they describe as “political echo chambers” impacting society at large, as well as individual relationships.

Focusing on how political beliefs affect personal relationships, Gordon et al. studied more than 500 couples, examining the ways in which political dissimilarity affected relational quality. The couples in their sample illustrated high levels of political similarity and ideology; only 23% were cross-partisan, and of that cohort, less than 8% consisted of one Republican and one Democrat. Gordon et al. found little evidence of factors that would predispose individuals to select politically dissimilar partners, and only a small association between political dissimilarity and relationship quality. They note that prosocial processes including perspective-taking and expressing appreciation may moderate such relationship dynamics.

Political and Personal Passion

One factor that might impact relationship quality is how passionate each partner is about his or her political positions. Gordon et al. note that political parties in America are increasingly polarized when it comes to affective differences more than ideological differences, feeling distance toward members of other parties rather than enhanced fondness for members of one’s own party. They note that this affective polarization has social consequences, creating a rift between members of different political parties. They also note that politics has become increasingly moralized, with moral issues serving as “the most distinct dividing line” when it comes to political ideology. Regarding the depths of the difference, Gordon et al. observe that people are not only more likely to view others with different political beliefs as less moral, but even less human.

On the positive side, Gordon et al. also found that despite the significance of politics in contemporary society, American daters do not desire to bring politics into their personal relationships. They cite one survey (Match) indicating that 78% of singles reported being unlikely to talk politics on or before a first date and preferred a partner who was similarly predisposed to avoid the subject. They note that this preference is consistent with other findings suggesting that only strong political partisans demonstrate affective polarization. More often, they observe that apparent dislike of opposing partisans, such as might be expressed through preferring a child not marry someone from a different political party, may be driven by a dislike of partisanship generally.

Gordon et al. note that politics appears to factor more significantly into relationships than in previous years, and that even for people who are less political, a cultural narrative expressing the heightened impact of political polarization might dissuade them from engaging in politically dissimilar relationships. They also note, however, that most people may not actually endorse strong preferences about partner political persuasion, preferring instead to just keep politics out of the bedroom.

How Political Dissimilarity Influences Relational Quality

Gordon et al. found evidence of some small links between political dissimilarity and daily relationship quality, although they note that this association may stem from behavioral differences in how partners engage with each other. For example, do they experience more conflict due to political disagreements, or are they engaging in suppression to avoid conflict, which leads to other negative results such as feeling inauthentic? Examining potential moderators, they found little evidence of modifiable factors that could buffer this association. They note that politically dissimilar couples still experienced a slightly lower perspective of relationship quality even on days with a higher amount of appreciation and perspective-taking and less self-silencing.

Finally, Gordon et al. cite recent work (Lienesch et al., 2023) which found evidence of cross-party marriages being more likely to end in divorce, which they note suggests that small differences may, over time, evolve into substantial rifts. But we would all agree that result does not necessarily follow directly or indirectly from political persuasion. Perhaps the key to quality romance is focusing more on what unites than divides, which may depend on how couples value, respect, and treat each other, placing the value of people over politics.