Do Casual Hookups Ever Lead to Serious Relationships?

Source: Jacob Lund/Shutterstock

Young people on the dating scene are often stereotyped as looking for casual partners. But is this a fair characterization? The truth is that many young people are not interested in meaningless intimacy, but meaningful engagement. Sure enough, research reveals that even today, amidst a smorgasbord of dating options both online and off, many young people view casual encounters as a pathway to permanence.

The Road to Romance

Older people may remember a different dating culture. Nobody looked for a date from the privacy of their bedroom using a computer screen, and yet somehow singles managed to mix and mingle. So, aside from the method, what about the motives? Were they any different than they are today?

Heather Hensman Kettrey and Aubrey D. Johnson explored this issue in a piece entitled “Hooking up and Pairing off” (2020).[i] They found that contrary to the claim made in popular media that “college hookup culture” has rendered romance obsolete, research reveals that many college students view “hookups” as a road to a relationship—even though few hookups produce this result.

Does Hooking Up Mean Hanging Out?

Kettrey and Johnson note that the term “hook up” is nebulous and imprecise, used by young adults to refer to a wide range of encounters involving different degrees of intimacy. Regarding “partners,” they note that hookups can occur between ex-flames, friends, or acquaintances. However, they note that hookups are much more likely to involve acquaintances than strangers.

Kettrey and Johnson explain that although some young people hook up in pursuit of a physical relationship with “no strings attached,” many hope that these casual pairings will lead to a commitment or at least to future contact. In fact, they note that college students who do not believe hookups can lead to relationships are unlikely to hook up in the first place.

Of the factors Kettrey and Johnson examined, including partner demographics, situational variables, interpersonal setting, and emotions experienced afterward, they found that post-hookup reactions were most strongly correlated with interest in a future hookup, and interest in a relationship. They note that their findings suggest familiarity with a partner and experiencing positive feelings afterward are the best predictors of subsequent interest.

Despite its prevalence, however, hookup behavior is often shrouded in stigma. Kettrey and Johnson note that both young men and women may be judged or disrespected for their hookup behavior, whether actual or perceived. They note that women may be disproportionately judged negatively in this regard.

Engaging in Conversation Rather Than Casual Encounters

Despite the stereotypes of youth dating behavior, the reality is that many young people seek healthy relationships of love and respect that develop from encounters involving meaningful conversation, rather than casual intimacy. Considering the level of interest in pursuing serious relationships, it logically follows that such exploration is clearly possible, and in many cases preferable, without sexual involvement. And contrary to the reality that many hookups involve the use of alcohol or other intoxicants, which are associated with risky and sometimes dangerous behavior, quality relationships begin with stimulating conversation rather than mind-altering substances.

Regarding emotional health, Kettrey and Johnson note that although young people generally report positive emotions post-hookup, women are more likely than men to experience negative emotional reactions such as depression and regret. Sober, thoughtful decisions as to how (and how much) to engage with social partners will prevent lapses in judgment that are more likely to be made while intoxicated, and are no doubt less likely to result in feelings of unhappiness, remorse, or disappointment.

Relationships Essential Reads

6 Simple Truths to a Lasting Relationship

15 Signs that a Relationship May Be Over

Getting to know potential paramours through upbeat, engaging conversation remains one of the best ways to spark chemistry, promote interpersonal bonding, and predict relational success.

Facebook image: Jacob Lund/Shutterstock