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Most people know that communication is a healthy and necessary part of any sexual relationship. But let’s face it—sex is tough to talk about! Many people have never talked about sex openly in their relationship, so they don’t even know where to start. I’ve seen couples in my sex therapy practice who have been together for decades, but have never really had an in-depth conversation about their sex life.
My favorite way to teach couples to start communicating about sex is by using prompts. Prompts are simple, open-ended questions that invite you and your partner to be reflective about various aspects of your sex life. Since it’s a specific question, it can feel less intimidating than starting out of nowhere.
I like using positively-phrased prompts with couples who are brand new to sexual communication, since they can help you and your partner realize that talking about sex can be a lot of fun! Most couples only ever talk about sex when they’re fighting, so a prompt that invites partners to compliment each other or share a favorite memory can be a refreshing change of pace.
Try sitting down with your spouse and going through 1-3 of the following prompts at a time. Pick a time where you’re both relatively relaxed and open to connecting with each other. Have both partners give their answers. Try to keep the conversation fun and lighthearted, and support each other in taking risks with your answers. You can give each other “veto power” to skip any prompts that feel too intimidating. As you start to feel more comfortable, see if you can come up with your own prompts.
And don’t forget—it’s never too late to start talking about sex in your marriage!
My favorite thing about our sex life is:
If you I to write wedding vows for our sex life, this is what I would want to promise you:
I think you look best when you’re wearing:
The thing that I love about our sex life most is:
My favorite memories of being intimate with you include:
My favorite way to pleasure you is:
One time you surprised me (in a good way), by:
I feel the most turned on when:
I feel the most desired by you when:
I would describe my sexual style as:
I love when you initiate sex in this way:
My favorite sexual position is:
One thing I would like to explore with you is:
The part of your body that turns me on the most is:
