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Key points
- A dream may create a scenario that reflects tension and worry at feeling overwhelmed in an upcoming situation.
- Our dreams show us ways to deal with emotions like frustration by offering solutions.
- A dream can offer a way to relax with the decisions we make.
Like the song says, “You can’t always get what you want.” Delaney's dream about a restaurant and a crowded staircase expressed her frustration with an unwelcome situation. However, the dream also reminded her that she had the strength to get through her trying circumstances and ultimately remained lucky for the many positive aspects of her life.
The Dream
I was at a restaurant. It wasn’t a sit-down restaurant, but a counter where you place your order, and they bring your food out in a bag. They were severely understaffed, and an enormous number of people were waiting.
A big staircase was going up, and people were camped out on the stairs. They were going to spend hours there, even stay overnight. I found a place on the staircase with a big wide step and thought I could comfortably lie down and sleep.
I was also thinking about how overwhelmed the bathrooms were—they would be out of soap, and you wouldn’t be able to flush the toilets so it would be like using a latrine. I thought that it would be a perfect environment to spread illness.
The Conversation
I began by observing, “You're in a frustrating situation in the dream, but you find a 'big, wide step' on which to wait and even sleep. It’s as if you found something to tide you through a long wait during what seems like an overwhelming situation.
"Can you imagine a recent experience where you tried to find some small comfort or space while waiting or feeling overwhelmed?"
Delaney clicked quickly: “An instructor is taking a leave of absence for the fall semester, and our department chair put out a call to the faculty. Those of us who could, stepped forward to teach her courses. I'm taking on an extra class.”
Using the language from her dream, I asked, “Would you say your department will be 'severely understaffed'?"
Delaney exclaimed, "Exactly! And I'm feeling ‘overwhelmed’ about teaching an extra course. Especially because the class will take place during what would have been my lunch break. Just like the restaurant where people have to get the food to go, I'm going to have to eat a sandwich while I run from one class to the next!"
I observed, "So there’s a wait until you can get back to feeling satisfied with your usual workload?"
Delaney responded, "What I’m most disappointed about is that I had anticipated having some time during the semester to do my research, and now I have to wait. I think I’ll get through the semester reasonably 'comfortably' as long as I put my research ambitions on hold–yet again! I did this last year, and now find myself having to wait again."
Her words prompted me to ask, "How do you think the overwhelmed washrooms relate to your situation? For example, you say the toilets would back up, and you wouldn't be able to flush. Have you expressed yourself? Did you tell them you don’t want the job?”
Delaney confirmed, “I told my chair that I would rather not take the job but would do so if he couldn't find anyone else to cover that class. He tried his best but ultimately couldn't find anyone else, so I agreed to do it.
"This isn't really an issue of holding back my feelings or not expressing myself."
Not ready to give up, I pressed on, “I’m still considering your description about how overwhelmed the bathrooms are, and how the toilets would be backed up. You soothe yourself a little by finding a wide step where you can rest in relative comfort, but you are still, at the end of the day, about to embark on a job you don’t want to do.”
I closed by adding, “While it seems you did protest somewhat, you didn’t say a straight-up no.”
Delaney conceded, “It’s true that I didn't complain the way I might have, but I’m sure I’m doing the right thing. The colleague taking the leave of absence has experienced a very serious life crisis.
"While I’m disappointed that my chair couldn’t find someone else, and I’m anticipating feeling overwhelmed at times, I also know I would be disappointed in myself if I didn't step forward. Besides this, I’d be putting my colleague in a horrible position. When I think about her circumstances, all I can focus on is gratitude for my own life situation.”
What We Can Learn
What does a dream afford when you are frustrated with not “getting what you want?" Your dreams can offer up rehearsal.
In a sophisticated and anticipatory way, Delaney's dream created a scenario that reflected her tension and worry at feeling "overwhelmed" in an upcoming situation. When the event happens, she will be better equipped to handle it since she rehearsed the emotions beforehand.
Her dream also reminds Delaney how to get through this unwanted situation as comfortably as possible: Carve out space for herself, practice self-care, and wait for the situation to end before taking on extra projects.
Finally, this dream, in presenting a frustrating situation with some possibility of amelioration, serves to remind Delaney that the frustration is temporary—she just needs to wait—and that she is fortunate in the most important aspects of her life.
