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“Hey there…is everything okay?” As I stood on the sidewalk outside my company’s Manhattan office building, a woman I didn’t know tapped my shoulder. I turned around, sniffled, and looked at her with tears streaming down my face. I had cried at work again.
I was flooded with shame. Today, though, I know that 45% of professionals have shared this experience. It’s certain that some of these individuals are highly sensitive, which means that they think and feel things more deeply than others. As many as 20% of people may fall into this category—including me. Researchers have been studying sensitivity for decades and have proven that it is not a weakness. In fact, sensitivity is associated with increased processing in parts of the brain that govern self-awareness, feelings, and vividness of experience.
Perhaps you, too, have broken down and cried at your workplace. Maybe it was a project gone wrong, or you learned some bad news about someone you love. Although crying is most often viewed as an expression of loss, it can be associated with anger, too. It’s also common to cry out of anxiousness, frustration, or a sense of being passionate about your work.
If you’ve ever wept at the office or had to turn off your camera on a virtual meeting, you know how embarrassing it can be. It’s possible that you’ve felt concerned about what your coworkers think about you. If you're wondering how you can protect your image and mitigate the effects of crying at work, these guidelines could help you rally and recover with professionalism.
1. Reframe the Experience.
Shedding a few tears at work is not going to end your career. In fact, 44% of C-suite executives in a survey said that it’s okay to cry at work from time to time — and 30% indicated that in terms of how you’re regarded at work, crying has no negative impact at all.
Regard yourself with compassion while internalizing those statistics. Don’t give into the temptation to judge yourself harshly or criticize yourself in an unsympathetic way. Remember that you are not defined by any single moment and that everyone’s life includes adversity.
2. Take the Space You Need.
If you feel like your feelings have hijacked you, you won’t deliver your best performance. Ask to take a break if you start to cry. Give yourself five minutes to regain your composure and either turn your camera off or leave the room. Taking a couple of deep breaths and moving to a different environment can dissipate strong emotional responses.
Research shows that the leaders who are most effective at emotional regulation are those who practice “situation modification,” which means that they minimize the effects of their emotions by altering their surroundings. If you express your need for space in a tactful way, you’re showing high emotional intelligence and a facility for self-management. These two leadership qualities alone account for 90% of what makes high performers so exceptional.
3. When Addressing Tears, Be Brave.
You may feel an impulse to apologize for expressing emotion but resist the urge to disempower yourself. You may also be tempted to ignore your feelings or try to push them away. However, "what you resist, persists,” as the saying goes. In other words, emotions only become more potent when you try to suppress them.
Instead, recognize your emotional response right off the bat. You could frame it with a statement like, “I care deeply about making this project a success, and that’s why I became emotional about it.” Research has shown that when employees explicitly state that they’ve cried out of passion, they’re seen as more competent and more worthy of promotion.
4. Follow Up With Excellence.
People seem to have the strongest memories of whatever behavior they’ve seen from us most recently. This phenomenon is known as the recency effect. If you’ve cried at work and want to rehabilitate your reputation, focus on your next opportunity to make a positive impression. Your response should be solution-oriented and focus on the future. Here are some examples of what you might say:
- The success of this project is important to me, as is our working relationship. Can we set up a time to talk about this and decide what our collaboration will look like moving forward?
- I appreciate the feedback you gave me earlier. I came up with an action plan to make the changes we talked about.
- I’ve found it challenging to accommodate these shifting priorities, and that’s why I became emotional earlier. Let’s discuss my workload and figure out what can be eliminated or delegated either temporarily or permanently.
5. Decide What to Do Next Time.
When we reach the point of tears, it’s often because we’ve been caught off guard. If you see yourself as a highly sensitive person, this may be hard for you. So it’s a good idea to plan ahead for moments when you may be at higher risk of emotional overwhelm.
You can reach a state of calm with no crying by using controlled breathing techniques such as “box breathing.” You can also try drinking an ice-cold glass of water when you feel weepy, which can lower your body temperature and your physical response to fear.
6. If You Need More Help, Get It.
It’s perfectly normal to cry at the office on occasion. But if shedding tears at work becomes a regular occurrence for you, you may want to talk with a therapist. If your crying is related to mistreatment by co-workers, like bullying, then get the appropriate parties involved.
Emotions are part of being human. Part of being a great leader is making the right decisions about how to communicate and respond when feelings threaten to overwhelm you. Others will respect the confidence and strength you show by owning your emotions and reactions.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
